Ok, come clean you lot. Who the fuck decided to keep the new cinnamon donut flavour from OAK from me? Why wasn’t I alerted as soon as it found its way into the supermarket, like a personal Google Alert for ‘food mashups that probably shouldn’t exist but I bet they’re delicious’? Show yourselves, because I’m not mad, I’m just very disappointed.

I mean sure, I might rarely drink milk anymore and have been opting for almond milk because cow’s milk sometimes makes me feel like I’m going to blow chunks but still, my love for the humble cinnamon doughie is too strong.

The limited-edition milk cartons appeared at Woolies in late August, and apparently have people a bit divided – some are saying that it just tastes like vanilla milk, while others are likening it to egg nog. Which I mean, that’s not a bad thing, right? It’s not a donut, but it’s not not disgusting.

The only thing that would make it taste a bit more like actual donuts would be if it were hot (no) or taste like cake batter or something. Maybe if it were given to me from an old duck in an apron at the local markets, and freshly coated in sugar.

Considering none of you decided to tell me anything about this, all I can go off is what’s on the Woolies website. Which is that it’s currently on special online for $2.10 (it’s normally around three bucks) and that someone in the copywriting job over at Oak had a hell of a time with the write-up on the side of the carton.

Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go and put myself firmly into a dairy coma for the rest of the afternoon. Actually, I’m going to get some fresh cinnamon doughboys and dip ’em into the donut milk. Hell yes, mates.

Image: The Simpsons / FOX