Ever been so keen for a package to arrive in the mail that you head out to check the mailbox every 30 minutes in the blind hope that it’s magically materialised in that idle time between checks?
This is what happens when you push your luck and check one too many times; the postal gods smite you down and send you a plague of literal nightmares as a reminder to stop being so GD impatient.
A humble mailbox from the Victorian regional centre of Bendigo has been taken over – conquered, if you will – by what appears to be a mothership queen hunstman spider birthing an entire army of soldiers for the now inevitable arachnid revolution.
Natasha Joyce posted a video of the horrific scene to YouTube, showing the proud Mum and her litter of thousands of tiny monsters just chilling out in the space where unsuspecting posties are supposed to put the gas bill.
NO. RETURN TO SENDER. WRONG ADDRESS. NO ONE EVEN LIVES HERE ANYMORE.
The spider apparently took up residence a little while ago, choosing the mailbox as the perfect site to lay her eggs. Neighbourhood children, apparently fascinated by the impending arrival (why) crafted the tiny wee cardboard furniture for the critter’s new brood, which is equal parts adorable and terrifying (a generation of children unafraid of spiders is a scary prospect because if they have no fear we are clearly all doomed).
Joyce’s nephews even dubbed the spider “Hortense, Protector of the Post.”
Joyce insists that the spider brood has been a “good science and nature lesson” for the local area kids, but Hortense does “rear up and become aggressive” every time the mailbox is opened. Which, frankly, is a good science and nature lesson, in that it’s important to understand that anything with fangs is a hairy hellbeast sent from the deepest circle of hell itself with the express purpose of striking fear into the hearts of mankind.
That’s how human beings are able to survive on this planet: With a healthy respect for the fact that everything is out to get us.
Source: The Sun.