Hordes of British lactose lovers are calling for refunds after a $50-a-head culinary festival apparently failed to deliver on its core promise: an unlimited supply of gourmet cheeses.
Attendees of The Giant Cheese Board, held in south east London, have swamped Twitter and the event’s Facebook page with complaints about long lines, cold mulled wine, and most critically, a fundamental lack of fromages.
Punters claim the event only offered five types of cheese, each of middling quality, alongside store-bought chutney and crackers. Others say the cheeses weren’t adequately labelled, and that other attractions – including cheese-themed sets and entertainment – were a little naff.
Still more have qualms about how the event advertised its cheesecake, with some attendees saying they rocked up also expecting the dessert to be free.
“Waited an hour in the freezing cold with minimal communication to be eventually let into what looked like a fire hazard with far too many people scrabbling for food with their hands,” one attendee wrote on the event’s Facebook page.
“For £38.50 I had NO CHEESE not even in the ball-park of ‘unlimited’. One of the staff has even come on to say how bad it was,” wrote another.
Just got inside and it’s gone from bad to worse – no cheese, the staff aren’t allowed to cut it, no crackers. @studio338 please let me know who to contact to get a full refund #giantcheeseboard pic.twitter.com/y3YAjcL8QK
— Cat (@cagilb82) December 16, 2017
The people struggle for the last scraps of Camembert. The suffering has gone on too long. pic.twitter.com/Qtyd7CBodE
— Tom Capon (@TomCapon) December 16, 2017
Last night’s ???? fiasco. The marketing: ‘The Giant Cheese Board’, “a massive, oversized cheese board. One you can walk around on as if you're in a giants kitchen”- the best artisan cheeses from across Europe, including a huge baked Camembert, unlimited mulled wine, cheesecake and double-size fireplaces. The reality: plates of chopped up British cheeses, mostly hard, some caterers packs of chutney, no Camembert (baked or not), queues for cold and very sweet ‘low alcohol’ mulled wine, no cheesecake, and a screen projecting the image of a fire. Hmm. #ripoff #falseadvertising #cheese #giantcheeseboard
Cannot overstate how bleak this is pic.twitter.com/9j9uaDS7sD
— Kate Solomon (@katiesol) December 16, 2017
Other attendees did seem to encounter more bounteous supplies of cheese, along with olives and other accoutrements.
The event’s organisers have taken to Facebook to defend the whole ordeal, hitting back at nearly every claim levelled against the festival, and encouraging punters to roll through for the event’s December 23 outing.
Promoting “the fact that there categorically is unlimited cheese” and claiming there were actually eleven gourmet cheeses on offer, the powers that be are attempting to salvage the reputation of their dairy day out.
Still, the impression given by disgruntled punters can most accurately be summarised by Britain’s two most famous cheese enthusiasts:
Image: @cagilb82 / Twitter