Yesterday, Twitter user David Thorpe (@Arr) posed an absolutely excellent question to fellow users of the blue website: what’s the greatest lie you ever heard as a kid, from another kid?
Ok, tell me about the kid you knew as a kid who lied a lot. Hit me with their greatest lie.
— guys like me are mad for turtle meat (@Arr) January 20, 2018
He’s really on the money here. We all knew someone in our childhood who lied like it was their job. If you didn’t, it was probably you – admit it. My lying mate was the kid who swore up and down that his dad was in the Yakuza (the bloke was extremely white), but the responses to Thorpe’s prompt leave his lying ass in the dust.
Check out these absolute gems:
also notable is my brother, a serial liar who claims he slept on a water bed and woke up underneath it “because of osmosis”
— jordan (@nu_handen) January 20, 2018
and when i made fun of him for having a mullet, he said he got his hair cut normally but it grew back into a mullet on the ride home from the barber
— Kyle Daly (@dalykyle) January 20, 2018
No!! Stolen valor!!
— guys like me are mad for turtle meat (@Arr) January 20, 2018
I want the orange juice computer
— guys like me are mad for turtle meat (@Arr) January 20, 2018
That’s maybe the best lie I’ve ever heard
— guys like me are mad for turtle meat (@Arr) January 20, 2018
https://twitter.com/bhlaab/status/954578635524116481
https://twitter.com/bhlaab/status/954580642473406464
i was like damn i KNOW this not possible but…imma keep it low cuz…i reallt wanna play those exclusive lego games damn
— DVS (@DVSblast) January 20, 2018
Ah, yes. Those classic cousin benefits.
— MJ O’Neill – Retired (@mjoneillnoise) January 20, 2018
https://twitter.com/honorcamper/status/954613368215822338
https://twitter.com/alejandroid/status/954753729944801280
https://twitter.com/bencjenkins/status/954856822212456448
https://twitter.com/nicknamesnuts/status/954631523273027586
Sick
— guys like me are mad for turtle meat (@Arr) January 20, 2018
Another one: In high school I couldn’t dissect frogs for being squeamish. All the guys recounted to me that the frogs all got erections so they castrated them. I was the only girl in that class.
— Resident Explainer (@Moon_Sway) January 20, 2018
Girl said her mom had the world’s only 2 official top hats in her attic.
— Mike Ferraro (@MFerrar0) January 20, 2018
My friend Nicole told me she chewed a piece of gum so long, it came to life.
— Halle Kiefer (@HalleKiefer) January 20, 2018
In 3rd grade, this girl Stephanie told everyone her “new dad” ran a Crayon factory. Went on about it all year. No one believed her. On the last day of school, new dad showed up and gave everyone a set of 100 Prang crayons in a carrying case. Because he ran a crayon factory.
— Amy Randolph (@acrandolph) January 20, 2018
Someome started a rumor in elementary school that the way people have sex in australia is by crawling through the female genitalia and out the mouth. It became so pervasive that the admin had to call an emergency PTA meeting about moving up the timeline for sex ed. Def wasn’t me.
— Eyebrow stubble (@AnneDragonetti) January 20, 2018
To be fair, that last one is true.
God bless each and every one of these children and their obscene and obvious porkers. What possesses children to lie with all their might about the least plausible things? What becomes of them when they grow up? At least with this particular Twitter thread, we can pretend that pathological lying is a charming quirk and not the hallmark of an unstable maniac who’s best kept out of any position of power.
The Wall is the Wall, it has never changed or evolved from the first day I conceived of it. Parts will be, of necessity, see through and it was never intended to be built in areas where there is natural protection such as mountains, wastelands or tough rivers or water…..
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 18, 2018
🙁
