The narrative of US President Donald Trump being a loud, annoying nuisance to the entire British aristocracy is never, ever going to be not funny. The big, sweaty ape in charge of England’s estranged problem child coming over and putting his greasy fingers on everything despite being very politely told not to touch anything. Just spectacular areas each and every time it happens. And now it seems Trump has gone and committed the most egregious slight he ever could have in the eyes of Britain’s well-to-dos: He’s completely fucked up Queen Elizabeth‘s lawns with his big dumb helicopter.
According to reports, during Trump’s three-day state visit to England in June he landed not one, but two helicopters on the Buckingham Palace lawns twice in one day, doing massive amounts of damage to the pristine grass area and right royally pissing Big Liz the hell off.
The yarn goes that Trump landed Marine One on the palace grass – which Lizzie takes huge pride in as the centrepiece of the Buckingham Palace grounds – receiving an official welcome from Prince Charles and Camilla.
This is despite the fact that the Queen has repeatedly rebuffed previous requests from US officials to land fleets of helicopters on the lawns in order to protect the grass, which she utilises for the Palace’s showcase garden parties.
Later that day, Trump landed the helicopter on the lawns again, after taking the chopper on a – get this – five kilometre trip from the US ambassador’s residence in Regent’s Park back to the Palace.
Five kilometres in a helicopter.
It’s a fucking 13-minute drive in regular traffic, let alone clear-the-roads-President-Piss-Pants-is-in-his-special-big-boy-car traffic.
The day of helicopter activity left scorch marks and divots in the lawn that pissed off the Queen so much she immediately bitched Trump out to our own Prime Minister Scott Morrison the instant Trump’s back was turned.
After Morrison arrived in England for D-Day celebrations in June, he immediately went to the palace to visit Queen Liz. Reportedly, the first thing she did was lead him out to the garden, pointed at the handiwork left by Old Mate and said “Come and look at my lawn. It’s ruined.”
Never in a million years would you ever dream of ruining Queen Liz’s gardens. You simply would not do it.