TikTok is my favourite app despite how chaotic it is, and I thank my lucky stars every day that it’s free – but today is the day I have finally had enough of its bullshit. Because today is the day I realised flare nails, or as some call them ‘duck nails’, are making a comeback. So now I’m cancelling the internet for good.

There’s a lot I don’t miss from the 2000s – wearing dresses with flares, the constant fatphobia, Justin Timberlake, and the truly evil *shudder* low rise jean.

But you know what’s something I hated so much, I actually repressed my entire memory of it until now? Flare nails.

@slayedbykashhhOnly the real og’s know ???????????????????? ##askyourgranny ##ducknails ##nailroom

♬ Itty Bitty Piggy – Nicki Minaj

For those of you who are blessed enough to not recall this cursed trend, flare nails were a thing from the early 2000s and were popularised by iconic Jersey Shore alumni Snooki. Which should probably already tell you everything you need to know about them.

Snookie Duck Nails
Snooki’s iconic duck nails.

Flare nails were always pretty controversial, but people seemed to love (??) them anyway, and for reasons I’ll never understand, they actually made a (very) brief comeback in 2017.

It seems that it may have been Bhad Bhabie that really cemented their renaissance, which tbh is pretty on brand for her.

@bhadbhabieI do shit for myself not for anyone else ???????????? I’ve always thought duck nails were soooo cute these remind me of the early 2000s♬ Chanel (Go Get It) – Young Thug

And now, here we are in 2021, with teens on TikTok accidentally reigniting the flare nail trend, this time under the moniker ‘duck nails.’ You know, because they look like splayed little duck feet. Which would actually be kind of cute, if the nails weren’t so hideous.

I know, I know, they’re a harmless beauty trend and we should let people do what they want. But at what cost??? Our dignity as the human species???

Well, tbh we lost that when we allowed the creation of the Stiletto Croc, so maybe I’m just screaming to the void. Whatever. All duck nails can go back to the abyss from whence they came, except this person on Twitter, who somehow managed to make them look cute.

They can stay. Everyone else? Cease, immediately.