The Houdini, The Mum, The Social Media Mogul: 7 Types Of Mates We All Have

Look, we’ve all experienced the struggle of deciding what to do with a group of friends. Drinks? Dinner? A poke in the eye with a sharp stick? The real battle, however, takes place after you’ve agreed on your crew’s ~activity~. 

Regardless of your background, we’ve all got mates who can be easily slotted into overarching categories when organising occasions. We’ve taken the liberty of describing seven of ’em that we reckon most crews have in their arsenal, as well as detailing their behaviour at / prior to an event like a luxe day at one of Spring Carnival’s shindigs, so that rallying the troops next time ’round is a lil’ easier. Remember, y’all, that while you might love your bread, and you might love your butter, most of all you should love each other. 

Oh, Mother Dearests. How we love you so. Even though you can be a lil’ hypocritical trying to help people those you perceive as having had one too many, whilst you yourself are usually the one that’s had one too many, you’re still a bloody gem. We thank you for behaving a bit like Sydney Spring Carnival’s Here To Help Crew (ladies ’n gents who hand out essentials at race days), making sure erryone’s got a water bottle in hand / are well looked after ’n such. 

Look, we all owe a lot to our Organised Ones. Like, our lives would come to a grinding halt and our groups would probs cease to exist without ’em. They’re haters of the tired weekend formula – always pushing to #assemblethesquad at nek-level events that ft. festival vibes, ~bespoke~ experiences, food worth writing home about and more. If your group’s Organised One is pushing to go one of Spring Carnival’s shindigs, it’s probably because it meets their high expectations. Generally, they’re swiftness to make decisions (á la Anna Wintour), and eagerness to suss plans, can sometimes stem from an element in their lives – be it romantic, financial or work – free falling harder than an overweight man skydiving. Be a solid mate and ask them how they’re travelling if you notice them being more anal retentive than normal, because if they’re having a rough run, it’ll impact your whole crew.  

A big S/O to the legends that are Textaholics for sourcing / sharing the dankest of all memes to our respective group messages – you truly do make tough days bearable. They’re merchants of hype and won’t rest until everyone’s committed to heading out with the squad. If you’re heading to something on the dressier side of things, you’ll never need to worry about an outfit clash with a Textaholic – they’ll shoot through a few mirror selfie options of what they’re donning days in advance. Keep up the banter, y’all. 

Plans, relationships and alliances rise and fall at the say-so of the Quiet Commando (and tbh, we wouldn’t have it any other way). They’re the undeniable leader of a crew, but their reign’s usually never established via a militaristic coup or a democratic election either – they naturally demand respect and wield leadership like an everyday Meryl Streep. When bickering emerges over whether to head to something like The Bucket List Beach Marquee or The Knafeh Bakery from the Bearded Bakers, the Quiet Commando’s diplomacy shines through. We respect them ‘cause they consider erryone’s feelings, which usually comes at the cost of their own wants. HOWEVER, hell hath no fury like a Quiet Commando scorned. Follow their direction or face a Blair Waldorf-esque reaction. 

Houdini‘s, just as their namesake suggests, have a habit of chucking an Irish Goodbye just when things are heating up – which is really crappy ‘cause they’re usually a fkn blast. At first glance, you’d think their behaviour boils down to mild negaholism, but whenever plans are discussed, they’re the first ones to express how keen they are. Why? Well, it usually has something to do with their relationship status. Houdini’s are more whipped than a cat o’ nine tails. The only way to keep a Houdini in check is by getting them to an event that’s literally too good to leave. That way, you’ll be able to sit around with them and soak up each other’s awesomeness.

You never need to work hard at amping up a Social Media Mogul. They’re always chasing the next opp to get some scorching hot ‘Gram content. Things like Spring Carnival get them more excited than Clinton catching wind that there’s a pant suit clearance sale happening just around the corner. Keeping Up With The Media Moguls can be challenging, with their offensively long Snapchat stories and constant uploads – but you gotta respect their hustle for instilling fomo in your group’s frienemies + attempting to up their own street cred. If you lose them momentarily, look for the nearest media wall.

7. THE WOE-IS-ME 

Statements that announce the presence of a Woe-Is-Me include: “Why is this happening to me?”, “can you believe this is happening to me?”, “what should I do about what’s happening to me?”, and (for the cheap seats down back) “what is the deal with my life?”. Their nine-to-five is jam-packed with more drama than an episode of GoT, HoC and The OC combined – which always makes for riveting conversation. Do them a yugeee favour and get them to an event so fab that they’ll have zero choice in NOT taking their mind off things. 

Our friends are our friends, and you wouldn’t trade ’em for the world. Even if they get under your skin like a splinter from your Kmart charcuterie paddle, having them around sure beats going to events by yourself. 

If you’re unsure what’s next on your squads agenda (yes, we’re speaking to you oh-Organised-One), consider hitting up one of Sydney Spring Carnival‘s events like Saturday’s City Tattersalls Club Cup Day. You can get yo’self + yo crew 5 tickets for $50 or learn more about the carnival by heading HERE.