A Cairns bloke has filmed a 2.5m olive python getting very personal with a pair of his running shoes, and the footage has raised a whole host of questions, quite frankly – namely, what the hell does a snake want with shoes?
Sipke Vink posted footage of the sneaker-obsessed snake to his Facebook page, which shows the big slitherer coiling around a pair of trainers in a most amorous fashion.
Vink told local media that when the snake plunged its scaly head into the shoe and didn’t emerge for ages, he thought it might have got its tooth stuck – so he tried to pull it out.
After half an hour I thought maybe he is stuck with his teeth inside the shoe, so I tried to pull the shoe off but he wasn’t letting the shoe go and was not happy to be touched and started to slide away still with his shoe on his head.
As he learned, one does not simply come between a serpent and his shoe.
While Vink seems to reckon there’s a logical explanation for this – that the shoes smelled like his pet chickens, for example – I think we may be witnessing a tragic attempt by an unhappy noodle to become something it can never be, i.e. a limbéd creature.
Sorry, my slinky/kinky mate. You can’t moodboard your way into having legs, regardless of how many shoes you surround yourself with.
According to Vink, the legless shoe fetishist was eventually captured and taken to a local vet. As he says, olive pythons are not local to that part of Queensland – which suggests the long boy’s come a long way in his search of a perfect set of kicks.
Better luck next time, snek frend.