It be Monday morning, folks, and it is our solemn and humble duty to inform you all that Queen Elizabeth II is not, in fact, dead. The ageing monarch remains alive, despite various social media reports to the contrary.
This morning, royal reporters have had to take the rather unusual step of dispelling reports of Her Majesty’s demise, with Charlie Proctor – editor-in-chief of Royal Central – asserting the Queen is alive, well, and “looking forward” (sure) to hosting President Donald Trump at Buckingham Palace later this week.
I see we have reached that time of year where I have to dispel rumours of HM's passing.
The Queen is not dead. She is alive & well and is very much looking forward to hosting President Trump and other world leaders at Buckingham Palace on Tuesday for the NATO reception.
— Charlie Proctor (@MonarchyUK) December 1, 2019
While celebrity death rumours are a dime a dozen these days, particularly on social media, what’s interesting here is that rumours of Lizzie’s perhaps untimely bucket kicking appear to have originated from a WhatsApp group chat featuring such luminary news breakers as “Gibbo,” “Burnsy,” and “Cheeks.”
The screenshot doing the rounds features Gibbo forwarding on some hot intel from a Royal Guards group chat, informing the lads that “Queens passed away this morning.”
You absolutely love to see Ricey going in on the boys there, exercising a healthy dose of journalistic skepticism and refusing to accept information at face value. That’s due diligence, my friends. You absolutely love to see it.
For the record, there’s a very good reason we’ve had to blur out the chat photo in the upper reaches of the screenshot there.
That reason being the chat photo is an erect cock.
Our money is that it was Cheeks who put that up there.
The bloody rapscallion.Image: Getty Images / WPA Pool