The Northern Territory is getting really bloody sick of all these bloody crocodiles clogging up their waterways, so they want you guys to take them.
Seriously, yeah. The NT government is seeking expressions of interest from people who would be willing to take 250 of those snappy modern dinosaurs off their hands.
Oh, but the catch is – you have to pick them up as is, and transport them yourself. They all range from 1.5m to 2.5m – how big a truck would you need to cargo angry reptiles across our giant sunburned country? A pretty fucking big one, that’s how big.
And you need all the equipment; the government expects you to, “supply all labour, equipment and transportation to remove crocodiles from the commission service yard”.
And, the government is picky too, they wanna know you’re gonna treat the terrifying monsters with the safety and respect that they deserve. Whoever makes the insane decision to take them must satisfy officials that their croc-nabbing operation ensures the “humane and ethical treatment of the animals, as well as the work health and safety of employees/staff.”
Oh, but if you were planning on decking yourself out with some kind of fucked up ‘Haute Croc-Dundee’ aesthetic, like some kind of reptilian Cruella De Vil, then think again. The NT government says these crocs ain’t fashion crocs, their skin is “considered to be third grade”.
But yeah, if all of this hasn’t scared the living crap out of you and you’re still thinkin’ about adopting them crocs, then the process closes April 1, 2016.
This could be you, you bloody psychopath: