Miranda Kerr’s Mum Is Worse Than Pete Evans, Spruiks ‘Reverse Osmosis Water’

As you may remembers from Pete Evans’ ‘activated almonds’ fiasco a few years back, Sydney Life features a ‘Day on a Plate’ segment. 

This terrible, awful segment allows uneducated people to spruik their daily nutrition preferences which could have 1) no benefits at all, or 2) kill babies, without any consequences or legal ramifications whatsoever. It also appears to be a competition to see who amongst the group of Aussie C grade celebrities can consume the wankiest shite every 24 hours. All the while, the mere commoners of this fine country read these lies while drinking their body weight in cheap beer, and shovelling pizza that has a crust made of party pies into their mouths. 

Stepping up to the challenger plate is Miranda Kerr‘s mum, Therese Kerr. She, like her daughter, participates in whole new levels of the #cleaneating lifestyle, and has taught the plebs of our fine junk food-loving country how to look after our bodily temples… with ‘Reverse Osmosis Water’. (You try to say it without smirking.)

Good God. I hope @peteevansnot is recovering OK after the hostile takeover of his Craziness Throne. #ThereseKerr pic.twitter.com/quzJVP2MnR

— Shane Butler (@shaneebutler) July 13, 2015

Reverse osmosis water is just filtered water. Military operations sometimes use the process on an industrial scale to turn dirty water into drinking water in struggling nations. It gets rid of fluoride, rust, chlorine and so on, by straining water through ‘a membrane’. Which sounds logical, except Therese’s 7:20am glass is also “alkalised”, “mineralised” and contains “magnesium powder, vitamin C powder, zinc and selenium liquid”, plus also we live in a first world country with clean drinking water and also fluoride isn’t bad for you according to science and also shut up. 

Kerr‘s diet also consists of ‘probiotic kefir’ (which is some kind of yoghurt apparently), a shitload of homemade chai tea and roobois, more fucking water, and any actual food that she eats (salmon, beef stew or salad leaves ) must be ‘certified organic’. And her kale is ‘blanched’ before it gets whizzed into smoothie form. 

Excuse us one moment: *eats a family size bag of cheese-flavoured popcorn for dinner*