Migaloo, Who Is Hated By Absolutely No One, May Sadly Be Dead

Image of Migaloo the whale off the coast of Byron Bay with coffin emojis overlaid

If you hate the elusive white bastard of the sea that is Migaloo (which could not be us, no siree!) I’ve got some delightful news for you: wildlife scientists think he could be dead. But if you love him, he may also still be alive, swimming happily with his whale friends!

While us humans are looking for the least emo-looking pair of fingerless gloves to wear in this chilly weather, humpback whales are swimming up Australia’s east and west coasts to fuck and suck each other’s blowholes out and breed more whales.

But there’s one beast the whale fandom hasn’t seen en route to root: Sir Migaloo.

Sure, you’re always going to get a Migaloo truther who thinks they’ve spotted the fair fella. It was only a few months ago that a Queensland teenager saw an albino whale off the coast of New South Wales, a sighting that sent the MigHive into overdrive.

But wildlife scientist Vanessa Pirotta said this particular large lad wasn’t Migaloo due to the colour of its tail, which meant it could have been his spawn. This means the OG’s whereabouts are still unknown and he hasn’t been seen for two years.

In an article written for The Conversation, Dr Pirotta said because whales such as Migaloo face myriad human-caused threats, like pollution and getting caught in fishing gear, there’s a chance he’s carked it. But there’s also the possibility Migaloo has pulled a Gone Girl and isn’t truly dead.

“Some whales may choose to migrate early or late, or even elsewhere such as in New Zealand,” she said.

“Environmental conditions, such as currents and water temperature, may also impact when and where Migaloo chooses to swim.”

Can this beast stop being such a “pick me” for five minutes? If we have to walk to work when it’s freezing and pissing down with rain then you can haul your girth up the east coast, as well.

The Migaloo canon began 31 years ago when his albino, blubbery body was spotted off Byron Bay. His drama and allure have only increased over the years, thanks to the fact he only shows his face for a few seconds at a time.

As he’s in his mid-30s, Dr Pirotta said he could also be out here living his best life (or acting out his Scott Disick character arc). God speed, Migaloo.