I fucking hate Migaloo, the rare albino whale who pops up every Australian whale season. Why do I hate the rare and harmless creature? Well, every goddamn time he’s around, he makes the briefest of appearances and I always – ALWAYS – manage to miss it.

What I’ve deduced is this – Migaloo does this shit on purpose. He WANTS us to get excited, only to piss off under the sea so no one besides those with drones get to catch a glimpse of his portly form. He’s a fucking asshole, and I hope the other whales bully him. Actually who am I kidding – Migaloo is definitely the bully. He bullies all the other whales underwater and probably also steals their food.

The fat white fuck has shown up off Hat Head, in NSW‘s North Coast, but there’s no need to get excited because he’s hundo p going to disappear now that we all know he’s there.

????MIGALOO SPOTTED????A white whale believed to be Migaloo has been seen from a seaplane off Hat Head on the mid north…

Posted by ABC Gold Coast on Wednesday, 19 June 2019

Peter Gash, Migaloo is NOT going to pass the GC because he is, frankly, a cunt. He will probably on purpose swim in the opposite direction, risking icy cold water temps just to spite everyone who heads down to the designated whale viewing points along the QLD coast. Because THAT’S WHAT HE DOES. HE BULLIES EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING.

Also – it might not even BE Migaloo! I would not put it past this dick of a whale to just stab another whale in the side until it rolls onto it’s back and shows it’s white tummy off to photogs, so we all think we’ve spotted the mysterious Migaloo. That’s just shit he would pull, to be honest.

If you give a shit (I don’t, fuck you Migaloo) there’s a whole Facebook page dedicated to the fuckface’s movements. Which to me seems like pandering to bad behaviour but sure, follow the elusive shithead around and encourage him to laugh at you.

Image: Peter Gash / ABC Gold Coast