Every night the girlies and I form a circle under the light of the moon and hold hands. Chants are hummed. Blood rituals are performed. We seek the (financial) fall of Mark Zuckerberg (AKA The Zuck), whose chokehold on our lives has spiralled out of control. Apparently dark magic works, because Meta is experiencing a delicious nosedive.

Eager beavers like myself would say this is the beginning of the end for Meta and it’s clutches over every facet of our lives, but that’s just wishful thinking. Let’s get into the numbers and stats — after all, it’s almost Halloween and what’s scarier than using maths to prove a point?

Meta’s profits dipped lower than a notable figure who could be used as an example for dipping really low in the past financial year. Last financial year the company made USD$9.2 billion (AUD$14.25 billion). This time they only raked in USD$4.4 billion (AUD$6.9 billion).

It’s still a fucktonne of money, but it’s important to note the company dipped in profits by more than half. That’s a huge amount to lose out on — USD$4.8 billion (AUD$7.4 billion) to be exact.

On top of this, shares in Meta have dipped by 19.1 per cent.

“We’re approaching 2023 with a focus on prioritisation and efficiency that will help us navigate the current environment and emerge an even stronger company,” Zuckerberg said in a statement.

“I have to say that our product trends look better from what I see than some of the commentary I’ve seen suggests.

“We are making significant changes across the board to operate more efficiently.”

I wonder if the fact that Instagram has turned to vom and Facebook is now an event planning app has anything to do with profits slipping. Or maybe Zuckerberg’s weird obsession with the Metaverse (which looks like a glorified PS2 game) is sinking the company to the ground.

Either way, I can’t complain. Suck it, Zuck.

Insider Intelligence Principal Analyst Debra Aho Williamson provided News.com.au with a couple of reasons why she believes the company is losing out on so much money.

“Meta is on shaky legs when it comes to the current state of its business,” she said.

“Mark Zuckerberg’s decision to focus his company on the future promise of the metaverse took his attention away from the unfortunate realities of today.”

She also mentioned that the rise of TikTok was a bit of an arrow to the knee for the giant company.

On top of this, Apple now allows folks to opt out of having their online activity tracked and used for targeted ads, which also hurts Meta and all its little tentacles (Instagram, Facebook, WhatsApp, etc).

Meta has guessed that this new feature, which completely destroys the accuracy of ads, has resulted in a huge USD$10 billion (AUD$15 billion) loss in revenue.

All I want to know is when Zuckerberg is going to have to sell some of the companies he’s bought out so we can finally be free of his control over our social media apps. Free my girl Instagram!!

Put someone in charge whose idea of improving the internet isn’t to force us all to play an American MMORPG with shitty graphics.