Man Caught Napping During Baseball Game Sues ESPN For $10Million

Oh, bless you America. Where mild embarrassment has a (ludicrously inflated) price tag. A few months ago during a Major League Baseball game between the New York Yankees and their arch rival Boston Red Sox, an unsuspecting fan was caught on the live broadcast taking a bit of a siesta in his seat. With baseball broadcasts being something of a marathon rather than a sprint, the commentators had a bit of a sly laugh (as you would) and filled all of 90 seconds worth of airtime spouting good natured gags about the situation (again, as you would). But, oh no. This is AMERICA. Land of the free! Where you any red-blooded, tax-paying, law-abiding citizen is free to sleep wherever, and whenever the hell they want, free of persecution from communist sports broadcasters out to besmirch your good name.
Ahem. Yeah, the guy’s suing ESPN for $10million.

Andrew Rector filed the defamation lawsuit against commentator Dan Shulman and John Kruk for the apparent “avalanche of disparaging words” that were tossed his way during the broadcast.
The typo-riddled lawsuit alleges that Shulman and Kruk made “false statements” that included suggestions that he is “not worthy to be a Yankees fan” and that furthermore he is a “fatty cow that need two seats at all time and represent symbol of failure.
Mull that last sentence – an actual sentence written in the English language that appears on a legal document – over for a while.
Rector claims the incident has caused irreparable damage to his character, and thus is suing for both damages, mental anguish, and loss of future income.
In a curious addendum to the case, in the beyond-any-and-all-legal-comprehension event that Rector is somehow successful in this lawsuit, then baseball, as a sport, theoretically will have been proven to be legally boring.
via NY Post.