There is one rule in the world of bird-human relations, and one rule only. If you smote a bird, you will get a bird curse. So the Hills Shire should start barricading their windows, because they just murdered a magpie.

The magpie who died at the hands of the council was allegedly terrorising Old Windsor Road through Bella Vista for over 3 years. That’s certainly annoying and probably scary, but also clearly Old Windsor Road was the rightful dominion of the magpie, and it should have been respected.

According to ABC, over 40 complaints had been received by the Hills Shire Council about… Morty the Magpie (seems like a vibe) with some people allegedly being hospitalised by the winged menace. Which like, not a mood but also this is Australia, folks. This is what we expect from our fauna. Everything is out here trying to hospitalise us.

The council got the National Parks & Wildlife Service (NPWS) involved, and they deemed Morts “a significant risk to public safety”, what about the public safety of the magpie community, huh??? You don’t see magpies murdering us when we get in their space! (They actually try really hard to do this).

Morty was simply too smart, it seems. The tipping point was when he started WORKING HIS WAY AROUND MAGGIE HELMETS.

“[It was] swooping underneath helmets … to attack people’s faces,” an NPWS spokesperson told ABC.

Un-fucken-believable. I love this bird who is now dead because people can’t handle intelligence. Sorry for party-rocking, and by party-rocking I mean shocking you with an under-helmet swoop, fuckers.

One group who are incensed by this bird murder are The Animal Justice Party. Member Heidi Vasilevskis told ABC “This parent bird was a food source for new chicks … I am outraged and upset beyond words. I truly fear for the future of our unique and precious animal life.”

It’s pretty sad that there might be chicks looking for food and their demented but loving parent Morty is now dead.

To be fair to the council, they tried to re-home Morts several times but it just didn’t work. I told you, Morty was simply too smart. He found his way back and resumed swooping duties. Someone also allegedly had a heart attack because Morty swooped them, so I kind of understand how the council were at their wit’s end.

Still. Vale Morty, too smart for your own fucking good you unhinged menace.

Image: Getty Images