The sea is bullshit.
It covers far too much of the planet, harbours the kind of get-fucked horrors that could only ever grow and thrive in permanent pitch black darkness, and is a lil bitch.
Human beings are not sea-faring mammals, and our continued fascination with thumbing our noses at our own physical limitations is truly baffling. Which is why, from time to time, the sea likes to fart out something truly bonkers from its murky depths as a simple reminder that we should remain dry at all times.
To wit, after residents of Auckland apparently played a little too fast-and-loose with the raging depths, the fearsome Tasman Sea vomited up a clear warning to all nearby residents in the form what appears to be some sort of mighty dick-covered sea poo.
Resident Melissa Doubleday encountered the warning sign from the deep while walking on Muriwai Beach to the west of Auckland on Saturday, posting the resultant photos to the Muriwai community support Facebook page:
While suggestions as to the nature of the object ranged from “clear evidence of the impending arrival of Cthulhu” to “Poseidon’s AGB,” those with a slightly better/more serious grasp of what lies beneath have postulated that it was more than likely a bloody large piece of driftwood covered head-to-toe in gooseneck barnacles, which frankly sounds far more disgusting and terrifying than any half-baked scenario conjured up for the sake of comedy I could ever produce.
Beware the sea, folks. For in terms of creatures, it is the Earth’s drafts folder.
Source: Facebook.
Photo: Facebook.
