A Rare Anglerfish Washed Up In The US And Put That Thing Back Where It Came From Or So Help Me

california anglerfish pacific footballfish cursed

An anglerfish that very much belongs in the depths of the ocean and not at the surface washed up on a Californian beach recently, reminding everyone that the great big blue holds many dark secrets and curses.

The creature, which is apparently believed to be a Pacific Footballfish and not just my new sleep paralysis demon, was found on the sands of Crystal Cove State Park at Laguna Beach and is reported to be about 45 centimetres long.

Park staff believe it’s most likely a female fish due to its size, and my very real scientific conclusion is: absolute fuck this.

Honestly, fuck that.

Imagine you’re having a chill Friday arvo and suddenly you see this oceanic demon with all its many sharp teeth just flopped on the sand. No thank you, nope. Frisbee this damned disc back where it came from, or so help me.

The footballfish is part of the anglerfish population – of which there are something fucked like 200 species – and typically live in the pitch darkness of the deep ocean, luring prey in with bioluminescent tips at the end of the stalk coming from its head.

You know who this is? It’s that damn freaky fish from Finding Nemo.

anglerfish discovery california
NO NO NO NO NO.

It’s almost has if the ocean itself has purged a demon from its very depths, just in a friendly reminder that there’s things lurking down there that is much more terrifying than sharks or jellyfish.

There’s some real cryptid-ass shit deep in the darkness of the ocean, and this anglerfish with its dangly stalk and glass shard chompers is just a little note to make us remember of how much about we really don’t know about the watery world.

May I leave you with this one thing, because I had it creep into my mind and simply cannot suffer this alone: imagine being out for a dip and its stalk thing just brushes up against your ankle, just reaching out to your feeties like tendrils of hell.

Abso-fucking-lutely not.

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