Julian Assange Is Now Suing Ecuador For Making Him Clean Up His Cat’s Turds

Though it is, at its core, a very serious and complex international diplomatic situation, one thing remains universally true about the recent developments in the saga between Julian Assange and the Ecuadorian embassy: It’s funny. It’s really, really funny.

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Assange has just filed a lawsuit essentially against Ecuador – the very country housing him in their London embassy, safe from the long-arm of the law – over a string of new conditions imposed on him that, among other things, are forcing him to clean up after his cat himself. The absolute nerve.

Representatives for Assange filed the lawsuit in the Ecuadorian capital of Quito against a new protocol, enacted by Ecuadorian officials last month, that governs the terms of asylum granted by the South American country, and specifically affects Assange’s stay at the embassy building in London.

The new terms dictate that Assange must pay for his own medical and phone bills, must front his own food and laundry costs, limits the amount of visitors he is allowed per day, and stipulates that he has to keep his own living, bedroom, and bathroom areas clean. It also states that he has to pay for his cat’s food himself, and has to clean up after the cat. He’s also been banned from access to the internet until he complies.

In essence, they’re treating him like the petulant teen he apparently is.

Assange, would you believe, is absolutely ropeable about this. He is litigiously furious about having to pick up his cat’s awful shits. He is inhumanly crabby about it.

The lawsuit comes at a time where Assange’s relationship with Ecuadorian officials has become increasingly chippy, with President Lenín Moreno, having inherited the Assange problem from previous President Rafael Correa, suddenly finding himself with a shitty housemate that’s on the lease that everyone agrees should not be living there anymore but no one has any idea how to kick them out.

Moreno has repeatedly stated Assange’s asylum at the embassy cannot last forever, but he has also exhibited reluctance to just kick him out onto the street where British authorities would almost certainly detain him on the spot. Assange is no longer facing sexual assault charges in Sweden, but he will be arrested by British cops for violating the terms of bail.

But really, Julian Assange getting so angry about being made to pick up the terrible turds his cat does that he sues an entire country is a fact that will never, ever not be funny.