I tell you, I’ve typed these words out a lot today and they are not getting any easier or any less ridiculous: Donald Trump is going to be president. The actual president. Of the United States of America.
He’s going to be added to Disney‘s Hall Of Presidents. Warships will be named after him. Kids will read about him in history books (if the Earth survives that long). He might even end up on a coin. Donald J. Trump will actually, definitely, 100% for serious be President.
While America‘s disenfranchised white people (have a look at the stats, they are pretty telling), hardcore racists, and idiot 4chan teens are celebrating, the rest of the world is quite reasonably dumfounded as to how people could be so willing to put a man with no skills, no plans and no idea how shitty his fake tan looks into the White House. Today is just the fucking craziest day.
The question on everyone’s lips at the moment (except, presumably, Hillary’s) is “Where is Hillary?” We haven’t heard from the Secretary of State since around midday east coast Australia time, when the election results started to look real, real bad:
This team has so much to be proud of. Whatever happens tonight, thank you for everything. pic.twitter.com/x13iWOzILL
— Hillary Clinton (@HillaryClinton) November 9, 2016
Traditionally, once it gets to the point of no return, the losing candidate gives a concession speech on the night. However, Hillary opted to concede to Trump with a phone call at 2:30am local time, with Trump giving his acceptance speech shortly thereafter.
The concession speech is optional, but now considered an integral part of the process, designed to “ease the transition” and reduce instability, which was crucial during the Cold War, when the US wanted to give the Russkis the impression that they were strong and undivided at all times – hence the “I actually think this guy I just spent 10 months calling a fuckface is really good” vibe of the speeches.
It’s also generally considered a bit shit to your supporters, who have been waiting up all night and wouldn’t mind some acknowledgement that the efforts they’ve put in have been have been recognised by their candidate, regardless of the outcome, or at least a bit of closure.
There are a few possible theories for why she’s opted not to give the address tonight. Firstly being that the immense soul-crushing devastation of losing something she so deeply dedicated herself to rendered her completely incapable of being able to stand up in front of a crowd. Probably not the case, but boy howdy would it be relatable.
Secondly, she might not have actually prepared a concession speech. Given how absolutely bizarre the idea of a Trump presidency was (christ), they might not have even entertained the notion of failure. It seems unlikely given Hillary’s history as a consummate statesperson, but it also seemed unlikely that she wouldn’t deliver one on the night, so who knows.
Hillary would be well within her rights if her concession speech was “you all can go eat a dick”.
— Ray (@SirEviscerate) November 9, 2016
The third possibility is that they are still looking for some way out of this, desperately hoping there’s some weird technicality or ancient bylaw that will wake them up from this crazy orange-skinned, big-haired nightmare Hillary’s campaign seem to be experiencing.
Fourthly, she might just have been really tired.
Reports seem to indicate that she’ll be delivering the speech Wednesday afternoon US time (which will be tomorrow morning for us), which will still put her a solid month ahead of how long it took Al Gore to deliver his concession speech.
Photo: Justin Sullivan.
