It 10,000% goes without saying here, but for the few of you that’ll still fail to recognise exactly what’s about to happen in this article, consider this your one and only warning:
THERE ARE ‘GAME OF THRONES’ SPOILERS IN HERE DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO SEE THE SPOILERS BACK OUT NOW FOR FUCK’S SAKE DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER.
Very much looking forward to the mountain of “THANKS A LOT, ASSHOLE” comments that will still inevitably appear *despite* the above, but nonetheless, we push on…
‘Game of Thrones‘ is nothing if not an exercise in mystery and constant grand reveals, and today’s episode is apparently no different.
You’ll all definitely recall the inglorious Purple Wedding way back in the second episode of season four, that spirited away the prize bastard King Joffrey in a foaming fit of breathless glee after some intrepid King’s Landing resident saw fit to poison the literal living shit out of him.
Y’know, as is tradition.
While the good lad Tyrion Lannister was subsequently accused of doing the deed, the show never went so far as to drag a confession out of anyone.
Today’s (again, for the love of god, SPOILERS) episode featured the long-awaited reveal of who exactly did the thing that yanked the prickish King off the mortal coil.
Turns out? Lady Olenna Tyrell.
The long-suspected suspect of the crime fessed up to her deed with Jaime Lannister leering over her after Lannister forces overcame the Tyrells at Highgarden.
With Olenna unable to sway Jaime against his sister, she demanded her punishment be carried out immediately. Jaime, showing some modicum of mercy, gives Olenna a painless poison to drink with her wine. After taking it, the Queen of Thorns then fesses up to poisoning Joffrey, AND HERE’S WHERE IT GETS REALLY GOOD.
Because she couldn’t simply go out with a whimper, Olenna shoved one final barb Joffrey’s way with this barnburner of an instantly-iconic quote:
“He really was a cunt, wasn’t he.”
Cue, the internet:
“He really was a cunt wasn’t he?” -Olenna Tyrell, a Queen, a Sage. Re: Joffrey Baratheon pic.twitter.com/8V4xNO4F3X
— EST. AUGUST 12TH ???? (@Bruce_Cares) July 31, 2017
Olenna Tyrell calling Joffrey a cunt is everything I love about this show #GameOfThrones
— Hermione Danger (@HermioneDangr) July 31, 2017
— IDrinkAndIKnowThings (@vivaciousvirgo) July 31, 2017
— Sheila Jaberi (@Sheilajaberi) July 31, 2017
— julia (@feastforvalyria) July 31, 2017
— Carter Hicks (@Carter_said) July 31, 2017
— Kayla (@aokayla) July 31, 2017
And yet somehow, it got even better.
With her dying breaths, Olenna – the BOSS – ethered the Lannister family and made sure her final words would be heard, loud and clear.
“I’d hate to die like your son, clawing at my neck, foam and bile spilling from my mouth. Eyes blood red, skin purple. Must’ve been horrible for you as a King’s Guard, as a father. It was horrible enough for me. Not at all what I intended. I’ve never seen the poison work before.”
“Tell Cersei I want her to know that it was me.”
TELL. CERSEI. I. WANT. HER. TO. KNOW. THAT. IT. WAS. ME.
If you thought for a second that the internet could resist going into conniptions over that mic drop of a line, you would be staggeringly wrong.
— Mpumelelo (@MpumzaNgwenya) July 31, 2017
Lady Olenna Tyrell: ???????? make ????????sure ???????? Cersei ???????? knows ???????? it ???????? was ???????? me. ????????
— Salim Stark (@SalimAlSamar) July 31, 2017
— JB Design Studio (@jb_designstudio) July 31, 2017
— Nick Pastura (@Nicky_P) July 31, 2017
— Raymond Mesa (@rizzayfoshizzay) July 31, 2017
— GOT LiveTweets (@GOTtaWatchItAll) July 31, 2017
— Erin Burkamp (@EBurkamp) July 31, 2017
Now *that* is a goddamned exit.
Vale, Queen of Thorns, you absolute savage. Miss you already.