I have worked in four different supermarkets and my recollection is that working in supermarkets sucks ass. The pay isn’t great, the customers are shithouse, every day somehow ends up being the single most stressful day of your life. It’s a nightmare. There is one reward that you are given for being paid an amount much less than the value you bring to the company and for effectively being psychologically tortured every day: eating free shit.

Unfortunately, this only works in some departments. Packing shelves, scanning stuff or wrapping meat rarely affords you the opportunity to sneak a treat here and there, but produce, bakery, and deli? Who can stop you from chowing down on the occasional apple, biscuit, or slice of ham? Loss prevention at the Giant Eagle supermarket in Bolivar, Ohio, apparently.

According to the Columbus Dispatch, an employee of the store is facing felony theft charges for eating ‘three to five’ slices of ham a day for over eight years, which they estimated to amount to just shy of $13,000, around $6 a day by my maths. Must have been some very big slices of ham.

Apparently, loss prevention received a tip-off that the woman had been taking slices of ham, in addition to the occasional slice of salami.

According to a Facebook post from the Tuscarawas County Sheriff’s Office that has since become unavailable but was seen by the incredibly reliable Fox News, it’s unlikely the felony theft charge will stick:

While our office did take a report of the issue as requested by the store, no determination of charges has been made. The procedure is to send the report to the Prosecutor’s Office and they are the ones to decide.

While my office does not have the authority to make the final decision in this case, I do feel confident that once all of the facts are relayed to the Prosecutor, Felony charges are unlikely.

If they do, I will rally behind this woman as if she is a political prisoner.

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