Let me tell you something about Apple and Samsung. They were best friends in middle school. I know, right? It’s so embarrassing. I don’t even… Whatever. So then in 2010, Apple started making their first tablet device, the iPad, which was totally gorgeous and has just lost a bunch of weight, but then Samsung decided they wanted in on the action, so they made the Galaxy Tab series.
And Apple was, like, weirdly jealous of them (even though their apps don’t work). Like, if the iPad started using crisp edges and curves so would the Galaxy Tablet, and they’d be like, “Why did you copy my crisp edges and curves?” And Samsung’d be like, “Why are you so obsessed with me?“
So then, because Apple want all your money/soul (which, by the way, is not too much to ask) Apple was like, “Samsung, I’m going to sue you 27 times in as many countries as it takes, because I think you’re in a direct infringement of Community Registered Design No. 000181607-0001.” I mean, Apple couldn’t have a competitor in the race for your love and money. There are gonna be geeks camping out for days willing to fork out wads of cash to get their hands on these things and not even use them. I mean, right? Who wouldn’t want that?
So then Apple sued the pants off Samsung in the US and abroad and started yelling at them and then this one time they won another billion dollars. It was so retarded. And then this week it went to the appeal court in the UK, and the judge decided that Apple should publicly apologise online and in the print media (hahaha) to Samsung, who just played on their Galaxy tab during the hearing because no one would talk to them.
When Apple posted the apology on their website it was a goading, boastful non-apology full of selectively edited extracts from the court transcripts that only quoted passages where the judge said Apple had “a cool design” and Samsung “are not as cool” as Apple, who are looking even more egocentric, misleading and unbelievably smug right now.
It’s totally weird, and now I guess they’re on marijuana tablets.