Thanks to a rough year where, despite wild financial success, public opinion soured severely when the entire world woke up to find out he’d slipped in quietly during the night and gently inserted himself into their iPhones without consent, Bono and his fellow musical cohorts in U2 have been named the Least Influential Celebrities of 2014 by the US arm of GQ magazine.
U2’s newest album, Songs of Innocence, was distributed exclusively via iTunes and as part of that was automatically pushed to over 500 million iTunes users libraries in a move that sparked mass outrage and eventually caused an opt-out function to be released by Apple. The magazine threw several layers of shade at the rainbow bespectacled Irishman, stating “The worst part was the way both Apple and U2 treated this, like it was some kind of noble gift to The People.“
Other people to feel the wrath of this particular form of top ten list included President Barack Obama (“Are you even president anymore?“), Zach Braff (“Can we all agree never to crowd-fund a movie again? Please? He should’ve just filmed himself rubbing that money on his armpits.“), and news network CNN (“Can we all agree never to crowd-fund a movie again? Please? He should’ve just filmed himself rubbing that money on his armpits.“)
But the harshest words of all were perhaps saved for everyone’s favourite rape apologist, Robin Thicke, who despite being a talentless bipedal sleaze factory, still couldn’t even manage to crack this top ten; instead having to be content to remain buried somewhere in the 20s with this accompany epitaph – “The rest of this cheeseball’s career is our collective punishment for making Blurred Lines popular. Let’s ALL get a divorce from this man.“
Here’s the top ten in full.
GQ Least Influential of 2014
1. Bono and U2
2. President Barack Obama
3. Donald Sterling – former owner of the Los Angeles Clippers (yes, Obama was ranked above a blatant racist)
4. Carter Bays and Craig Thomas – creators of How I Met Your Mother
5. Zach Braff
6. Roger Goodell – Commissioner of the NFL
7. Stephen A. Smith – former ESPN analyst
8. Dwayne Wade – Miami Heat guard
9. CNN
10. Eric Cantor – politician (we don’t know who he is either)
So whilst this list might be American centric, if an Australian version were to be created we’d suggest that it’d start with Clive Palmer and Delta Goodrem and merely repeat those two names ad nauseam.
Photo: Tristan Fewings via Getty Images
via The Age.
