We’ve hit the new year. You made it, congrats. I’m proud of you. Time to buy yourself a lil’ treat for the next trip around the sun.

Now, you might think that having a calendar at home is really lame and a bloody nanna thing to do but let me tell you, my house has a calendar wall. This year we counted through the months with both a Justin Bieber calendar, and one full of puppies. It’s like an advent calendar that goes all year. Every month you get to flip over the calendar and take a moment to marvel over the wonderful ways that Justin Bieber has been styled to match the season. Fucken, calendars rule.

When I was younger, my dad had a desktop calendar from The Far Side. A day-by-day one. That’s right, 365 days of Gary Larson‘s spoils for him to chuckle over while he signed off important papers at the post office and licked the back of every stamp. I think that’s what he did there anyway.

A lot of calendars are produced to raise money for charity, which is very good and nice. Buy the good calendars that support charity. It’s like you’re ticking off “be a good person this year” from your resolutions with every month that you flip over.

Some of the good calendars this year that may or may not be good for your kitchen wall and unsuspecting visits from family are raising money for charities like Beyond BlueSport Allies, among other initiatives. Check out our faves below and think about maybe popping one up in the kitchen, or on the back of the door to the dunny (where my nanna hung her beloved Richmond Tigers calendars).

SYDNEY UNI VETSOC

Each year, University of Sydney‘s Veterinary Science and Animal & Veterinary Bioscience students put out a bloody tip-top calendar to raise money for a good cause.

2018’s edition is called Shedding The Stigma and is in support of Rural And Remote Mental Health; an initiative that helps to bring mental health services and support to Australians living rurally – on farms and in the outback.

You can pick the calendar up over HERE, which absolutely includes a bunch of uni students in the nud, covered only by carefully-placed Akubras.

SEXY BINS OF THE UK

Yes, it’s exactly what you think. All the hottest bins from England in all their unadulterated glory. Chuck this bad boy up on the wall and make sure young eyes don’t see that absolute filth adorning the space next to the fridge. Hell, put it above YOUR bin.

It’s racy and raunchy, and absolutely trash. Complete garbage. Pick one up over HERE and complete your home with some of the best-lookin’ dustbins from across the pond. AWOOOOOO.

Here’s a sneak peek of the September bin. Woof. What a beauty.

Make The Passage Of Time Even Sexier With These Ace 2018 Calendars
Image: wheeliebinstoragedirect.co.uk

WARWICK ROWERS CALENDAR

Another risqué calendar that’s sure to get Nan all flustered whenever she comes over to make sure you’re eating well, the Warwick Rowers calendar is almost a bloody institution now.

Raising money for Sport Allies, these handsome Welshmen discard their rowing kits (which tbh leave very little to the imagination anyway) and instead wearing their best birthday suits to raise money for a charity that’s pushing to make sport more inclusive and diverse.

Grab your own over HERE, and if a calendar isn’t your thing then you can totally get a coffee table book full of ~tasteful nudes~.

FIRST DOG ON THE MOON

Ok I promise to stop being thirsty for a second while I tell you about one of my favourite ever calendars. Yep, its everyone’s favourite space hound, First Dog On The Moon.

The good dog’s 2018 calendar is called Rescue Dogs In Space and features some very good boys and girls who have been adopted over Australia. Including my #1 favourite good boy, Roy (you can follow him on his Instagram, if you like).

It’s a great calendar full of nice cartoons that a Good Dog has gone and done. Pick one up over HERE and support nice cartoonists, so we’re not left with people who try and emulate Bill Leak or Leunig. Please, for the love of God.

CHEEKY CALENDAR

Ok back to the thirst (I’m not sorry).

This calendar with a bit of cheek is back for their 2018 edition, named Raw AthleticismIt’s exactly what you think – dudes playing sports in the nud.

Calendars sold are raising money for Beyond Blue this year, and they’re trying to beat last year’s efforts of raising $10k for charity.

Pick up a rudey nudey calendar over HERE and stick it up in the kitchen. I can assure you your parents will love it when they pop ’round for their annual visit to your sharehouse.

Make The Passage Of Time Even Sexier With These Ace 2018 Calendars
Image supplied.

NATURALLY-OCCURRING PEEN

A very naughty one that you can absolutely get away with having up in the house and let your wholesome family in – it’s nature’s assorted dongs.

Shit yeah mates, this is a month-to-month calendar detailing all the powerfully-phallic rock formations from across the world. What a bloody masterpiece.

Hell, even go as far as to putting this up in the office. Who will know? Nobody. At least not until someone takes a closer look and notices that it’s called ‘Nature’s Dick Pics but they shouldn’t be getting that far into your personal space (yes Karen I’m looking at you).

Grab a copy over HERE, and know your money is not only supporting nature’s magnificent schlongs, but you’re also flicking some cash to US-based charities National Park Foundation and Prostate Cancer Foundation.

THE FIREFIGHTERS’ ANNUAL

Each year the Australian Firefighters put their most ripped firies in a calendar for charity. They’ve probably tried to flog it to you in the plaza in regional Aus sometime over the last 25 years, because hot damn who doesn’t want a life-saving literal Prince Charming staring back at them for 28-30 days a year?

This year’s edition is ‘Firefighters and Animals’ and, well, it does what it says on the tin, really. It’s page after page of firefighters holding various animals. Bless ’em. Nanna would approve.

They’re raising money for Australia ZooChildrens’ Hospital Burns Unit, and Mates4Mates this year, and you’ve got the option of ‘Firefighters with Animals’, ‘Firefighters with Puppies’, or just ‘Hot Firefighters’ if you wanna go ahead and get the damn cat out of the way.

One time a friend and I bought this calendar for our other mate and we got them to write incredibly suggestive hose-related one liners on their respective months. We’re excellent friends.

Keep track of 2018 in absolute style, folks. I’m totally getting myself that racy bin one to complement my hot trash life. Happy new year!

Image: The Simpsons / Fox