After an onslaught of the perfect conditions in which to cultivate and expand an entire rat kingdom, the Rat King of Adelaide (not Tex Walker) has bared his teeth this week as pest controllers declare the city is under a full-on rodent infestation. Time to tuck your pants into your socks, and your shirts into your pants.
Speaking with the ABC, local pest controller Rob Hore narrowed it down to a “bumper breeding season” thanks to a wet winter and a mild summer that has led to an influx of rat babies, who are now moving out of their hidden homes to nick food to feed their big families.
In the last month or so it’s been quite dry and things have dried off a lot, so what’s happened is they’ve come out of fields and out of people’s backyards and they’re starting to look for more food. So they’re going onto commercial properties, or into your home, looking for that food source because there’s a huge population to support.
Pest controllers also advise those of us who are noticing more extras from The Ferals skulking around to use other means of getting rid of the rat bastards instead of poison, because they’re too damn smart for that. Apparently, rats are similar to humans in that they’ll keep away from something they don’t like, and will tell all their rat friends to do the same. They’re smart, these little rattuses. They’re really smart.
Truly, what this actually means is that we’re at the tipping point of being completely overrun by rats. It’s happening, and there’s nothing we can do to stop them. First, the came for our city of churches, and we said nothing. Soon, they will come for the east coast, the Great Rat War will break out, eclipsing the terror of the Great Emu War, and we’ll be forced to bow down to our new rodent overlords.
I mean either that or they’ll just tuck into our food for a bit before we sweep them all out the door and into the wild, or a pied piper will call them all away with a tune on his wooden flute.
