Fucken’ strap yourselves in for this one, pals. Because this is a bloody BIG YARN.
The Advertising Standards Board has put the kibosh on a radio ad from battery boyfriend emporium AdultShop.com, after a slew of complaints were levelled against the “inappropriate” ad.
The company was plugging their newest rubbery product, the ‘Womanizer,’ in an ad that apparently features a voiceover claiming the product is like “Channing Tatum softly kissing and sucking” on a user “until I explode.”
The remarkable achievement that they were able to synthesise one specific celebrity’s touch aside, this apparently did not go down terribly well when thrust up against the usual channel-changing offering of “HELLOOOOOOO FRANK WALKER FROM NATIONAL TILES.”
The complaints, which came in thick and fast, are really something to behold. Look!
Firstly…
“I find the wording of the whole ad including phrases ‘like being kissed and sucked by Channing Tatum until I explode’ and demonstrating the noise it makes, to be highly inappropriate to be on radio in the middle of the day.”
…but then…
“I have heard the ad several times in the middle of the day whilst listening to the radio with my small children. I feel the content of the ad is more suited for late night when young children are not listening!”
…and then finally:
“The ad is too graphic and compares sounds of other sex toys to this new sex toy and female advertiser mimics the sound of both in air. She then says it feels like Channing Tatum kissing and sucking her softly. Highly inappropriate advertising on daytime radio especially for children.”
The children. Won’t somebody think of them, etc.
But ever the crafty types, AdultShop.com responded by pointing out that they merely made some non-specific objections, leaving the listeners and their filthy, filthy minds to arrive at whatever destination they chose to.
“If you listen to the commercial, you will see that there is no reference as to where ‘Channing Tatum’ is kissing and really up to the listener’s imagination. There are many people who ‘explode and quiver like Jelly’ while being kissed on the lips by someone they desire.”
Touché, AdultShop.
The ad board, however, ruled that whilst it was not explicitly promoted as an adult toy, the ad contained content that was inappropriate for daytime listeners, taking into account the fact that kids could potentially hear it. The company confirmed that the ad had not aired since March 28th, and would not air again.
So what in the blue hell exactly is the Womanizer?
It’s… uh… well, it looks like this.
The product description
on the store’s website provides very little clues as to what you’re supposed to put and where, stating merely:
“Hold on tight ladies, you are about to go on the ride of a lifetime! The womanizer is a true revolution, with unique technology allowing stimulation of the clitoris without contact giving you incredible and sensational orgasms every time!”But further very important journalistic investigation has revealed that the little white bit at the bottom is, for lack of a far better term, some sort of clit pump. Because lord knows we’ve all been waiting for a device that treats your vajoots like a Vac n Pack.
According to a review posted on the product page by “Paige” (who is “in her 30s” and “flying solo“):
“I was originally reluctant because of the price, but I had received my tax return and thought ‘why not?’”
And if you’ve gotten this far and the only thing still putting you off is the colour scheme, you can rest easy. The Womanizer comes in a range of different patterns, including this funky little number.
Apparently there’s no such thing as “it’s not 2008 anymore” when it comes to the pursuit of getting some Ed Hardy all up in your biz.
The more you bloody well know.
Photos: AdultShop.com.
