I know that you already realise someone who wears red satin ties on national television is, in all likelihood, a crazy person; but here is the symptomatology of X Factor victor Altiyan Childs’ descent into proper lunacy over the last couple of weeks. NB The following behaviours can be considered warning signs of craziness in most people; if more than two symptoms present at the same time, simply bop that person on the head with nearest blunt item and slowly back away.
Cave dwelling
During X Factor competition skipped a rehearsal to hang in a cave near Sydney’s northern beaches. Later said he went there to reconnect to “beautiful sadness”.
Oprah-speak
Childs speaks in a combination of made up proverbs and positively-geared philosophical statements e.g. “Life is a risk and I choose to trust people”. People who speak like this who aren’t Oprah are always weirdos.
Shitting where you eat
Childs moved in with his personal manager Steve Gold who has recently been arrested for possession of drugs, weapons and cash. Isn’t your manager supposed to manage you? Bro sounds like all he could manage was a good time, eh! Eh!? But seriously, don’t house share with work colleagues or felons.
Man crying
Man crying in small doses is charming. Regular open bouts of public crying is the behaviour of mentally unhinged adult male. Is also sexual kryptonite.
Weird friendships
Childs has a “close relationship” with 16-year-old fan Elle Biddles who he met when filming X Factor. He is also friends with the fan’s mother who has made him executor of her will. Freaks! There I said it.
Online dating
There’s nothing wrong with online dating per se. Hooking up with teens via facebook seems kinda fucked up though: “I want to marry her, she’s my dream come true,” Childs said of his girlfriend of two months, Nikki Kingston, who he met through Facebook.
Via news.com.au
Title Image- Still from “X Factor Australia”
