Let’s be very clear here: It certainly didn’t attain the dizzying lows of, say, Meat Loaf‘s absolute howler at the 2011 AFL Grand Final, but in the grand pantheon of Super Bowl halftime shows, the insipid one Maroon 5 just put on is easily gonna be ranked comfortably in the bottom five.
[jwplayer 0k8dXrMR]
Adam Levine and co trotted out onto the field after an entirely middling first half between the Rams and the Patriots and plodded through a verifiably Not Great™ medley of old hits, splicing in some intensely half-assed efforts from guests Travis Scott and Big Boi for good measure.
I got them mooooves…
Great show, @maroon5! 🎤👏 #SBLIII pic.twitter.com/sdAOPuvhr2
— NFL (@NFL) February 4, 2019
With Levine’s costume changes consisting primarily of slowly progressing to baffling shirtlessness, and a slew of vocal performances that were about as on-key as a gummed up padlock, punters online revolted immediately, shitting mercilessly all over the entire performance.
Maybe next year they can book Train.
— Stewart Mandel (@slmandel) February 4, 2019
Maroon 5 is just Red Hot Chili Peppers for virgins
— Jeremy D. Larson (@jeremydlarson) February 4, 2019
https://twitter.com/NotJocPederson/status/1092234797290647552
https://twitter.com/InfamousTioAL/status/1092232376007172097
Twitter locals: MAROON 5 KILLED IT😍#halftimeshow
Me: pic.twitter.com/BCgLGX3nWd
— Edwin (@RealEdwinPos) February 4, 2019
Maroon 5 performing in the #SuperBowl halftime show pic.twitter.com/qd28NU8tNv
— Detective Fierce ✨ (@___bodacious) February 4, 2019
Travis Scott and Adam Levine #HalftimeShow #SuperBowlLlll pic.twitter.com/6idugo8VgJ
— Jerz (@JY_Eickhorst) February 4, 2019
What just happened?! #HalftimeShow pic.twitter.com/FLh3zNQgZm
— Enrique Hernández (@kikehndez) February 4, 2019
That was our halftime show for real? #HalftimeShow https://t.co/VZgsCBCulk
— ✨ Shelly ✨ (@ShellygotoHelly) February 4, 2019
This is the Maroon 5 of Super Bowls
— Joe Bereta (@joebereta) February 4, 2019
https://twitter.com/markhoppus/status/1092230045043544066
It’s cool that they gave the halftime show to that music from the dentist’s office.
— Ariel Dumas (@ArielDumas) February 4, 2019
Marie Kondo was last seen throwing away that halftime show.
— shauna (@goldengateblond) February 4, 2019
I wonder if the NFL will ever try hiring a good band for the halftime show
— Matt Walsh (@MattWalshBlog) February 4, 2019
Absolute woof.
Hell, it went so poorly that people immediately began running from Pepsi, the Halftime Show’s major sponsor, into the loving embrace of their red-banded rival.
My reaction after that #Pepsi #HalftimeShow pic.twitter.com/27lOgzATvh
— Ale /Little Red (@littleredleader) February 4, 2019
PEPSI👏🏼IS👏🏼NOT👏🏼BETTER👏🏼THAN👏🏼COKE👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
— lexi (@lexirsmith) February 4, 2019
Me after that #Pepsi #HalftimeShow pic.twitter.com/eoiDy60rft
— bean ✨ they/them (@kellinorr) February 4, 2019
https://twitter.com/markhoppus/status/1092231965552435200
i’m so glad i’m drinking coke instead of pepsi right now #PepsiHalftime
— Liam 🐌🦀 (@elfthieves) February 4, 2019
Theory: Coke paid for the halftime show and put Pepsi’s logo on it.
— Scott Dooley (@scottdools) February 4, 2019
#PepsiHalftime is making me want to drink coke…
— Mathew Slattery (@MathewSlattery) February 4, 2019
Absolutely no two ways about it. That’s a bad, bad review all around.
The good news, at least for Maroon 5, is that the Mercedes Benz Stadium in Atlanta is brand spanking new. So there’s probably plenty of hiding places and they’re all probably plush as hell.