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Mean Girls really takes you back to dumb high school behaviour, like being a nasty little biotch, having a lot of feelings and hooking up with other people’s boyfriends. OK maybe not the latter but irregardless, teenage life was not at all grand.

Of course, there was the real kicker: forever really wanting to lose three pounds no matter how damn fine you were. Whether it was fasting for two days straight (very dumb) or going nuts on any vegetable you could slice on up and pass as recess (carrots, usually), it was a giant mess. Mean Girls takes us right back to that shitstorm because Regina George’s dieting methods are silly. We spoke to The Nutrition GuyJoel Feren, about what her diets will do to your bod, you know, just in case you were considering them.

“It’s called the South Beach Fat Flush and all you do is drink cranberry juice for 72 hours.”

Oh, Regina. If cranberry juice is all your body’s consuming, you’ll be missing out on vital nutrients. Not fetch.

Joel tells PEDESTRIAN.TV that the absence of nutrients like iron, protein, magnesium, fibre and vitamin B12 isn’t going to do your body any favours.

You’ll likely hit your vitamin C requirements though, but that’s about it. You won’t necessarily develop nutrient deficiencies over this time [72 hours], but it is not an advisable thing to try.”

Will you lose weight?  “That depends on the quantity. If you consume less calories than your body needs over the day you will lose weight. However, if you do drink just cranberry juice you will likely lose muscle mass as your protein intake over those 72 hours will be minimal.

In short: “This [diet] is as logical as chopping off a limb in order to reduce a number on the scales.

“I’m on an all-carb diet.”

Ok obviously Cady Heron was one shady mudda flipper for telling Regina there was a magical Swedish nutrition bar that would burn all her carbs. But let’s talk about this carb delusion anyway. Say carb again. Carb.

You really couldn’t even have an all-carb diet if you tried. “If you only ate grains, fruit and veggies then your diet will be mostly carbohydrate based, but will not be exclusively carbohydrate,” Joel says.

regina george

You’ll probably gain weight, but not because carbs are the devil like everyone thinks. “If you eat too much of anything (other than non-starchy veggies) you will gain weight. Carbohydrates are an essential nutrient – they’re our body’s preferred fuel source. We need to fuel our body in the right way. Carbs are not a nutritional demon.

Go on, make out with that hotdog. Just make it wholegrain.

“I’m only eating foods with less than 30% calories from fat.”

regina george

A diet for mathematicians, clearly. Joel has translated this into language that isn’t derived from a subject we mostly failed at. You’re welcome.

We get calories from protein, carbs and fat as well as alcohol. This means that 30% of the calories are provided by the fat and the remaining 70% is from the other macronutrients.

A diet with 30% calories from fat is a healthy one. However, calorie needs are determined by a number of factors, including age, sex and muscle mass, as well as exercise and activity levels.

So well done, Regina, this one isn’t really bad at all. It takes some brainpower and serious math, though.

Our take?

regina george

Srsly though. If you need some advice on maintaining a healthy diet and weight, the best place to start is with your GP (they’ll be way more informed than Regina). In the meantime, head over to Medibank Live Better for hundreds of healthy meal ideas, expert advice and exercise tips.

Image: Mean Girls