Naked Workout Classes Are Coming To NYC So You Can Crack A Sweat

Ever gone to the gym and thought to yourself, Damn, I really wish I was doing this deep sumo squat butt naked right now?!

Of course you haven’t, because that would be a criminal offence.

A training studio in New York City is throwing moral standards and common decency to the wind this year and debuting the world’s first completely naked gym class.

Hanson Fitness, a Soho-based gym frequented by the likes of Rihanna and Tom Cruise, will from tomorrow be offering naked training sessions to brave clients.

“The class is designed to be a total-body workout that uses your bodyweight as resistance to work the glutes, butt, legs, and core,” reads a press release. The studio plans will offer three sessions a week, including one for men, one for women, and one mixed.

I don’t know how being naked while doing a bodyweight workout is at all beneficial, except for the fact that you wouldn’t have to wash your sweaty clothes afterwards.

But the reasons against training naked? There are more than you can poke your semi at.

  1. You’re naked
  2. You’re naked at the gym
  3. You’re naked at the gym with strangers
  4. Doing pushups naked equals
  5. Running without a bra (especially when you have well-endowed baps) is titty torture
  6. Penis-havers running without pants on? Five words, hardcore dick and ball chafe
  7. If you accidentally fart mid-lunge, there is no protective layer of clothing to muffle the sound and trap the stench of said fart. It’s just full-fart.
  8. If you get a random stiffy there’s no band to tuck it under
  9. Sitting on a bench naked after someone else has sat on a bench naked
  10. Gooches

That is all. 2018, don’t do this. For the sake of supported breasts and strapped-in dicks the world over, don’t do this.