Milo Drops Health Rating Because We’re All Eating It By The Tablespoon

The maker of that delicious powdered gold, Milo, has decided to drop its 4.5 Health Star Rating after health experts said it was not entirely worthy of such a high rating, as it’s based on a serving suggestion rather than its contents.

The conditional rating is only valid if people consume three teaspoons of Milo with a glass of skim milk, which is how exactly zero people consume Milo. “Most Aussies don’t consume Milo with skim milk alone,” Choice’s head of campaigns and policy, Katinka Day, said.

“To claim a health star rating by adding nutritionally superior ingredients of another product is not helpful, especially for people who eat their Milo with full cream milk, or even straight out of the can or on ice-cream.”

The true way to have Milo involves around 5 – 6 tablespoons of the powder shovelled into a huge class of full cream milk, usually followed by a spoonful directly into your shameful gob. Personally, I never understood the whole having it directly from the can thing, but hey, maybe I didn’t eat enough fucking sand as a child, whatever.

But Ms Day would like to see Nestle take further action on the rating.

“While we welcome Nestle’s decision to ditch its dishonest star rating, it doesn’t go far enough. Milo needs to display a 1.5 star rating which reflects the product’s actual ingredients,” she said.

Ms Day please. Everyone knows the rating means very little directly after the fourth tablespoon of the stuff exceeds the rim of the glass it’s hastily fanged into.

Ok sure, maybe Nestle should bring the ratings in line with other food products, but no one eats Milo because it’s “healthy”, they eat it because it’s like legal crack. It’s delicious. Try and change my mind.

And the internet agrees, taking to Twitter to collectively wonder why anyone was surprised by the news.

Milo rules.