Hello there, dear reader friend.
We see that you have read the headline of this piece and clicked on through to see what all the buzz is about. And we’re glad to confirm that this is in no way clickbait: we really are giving away 1,569 (that number is deliberate) vibrators to you, our saucy loyal readers.
Why are we doing such a thoughtful thing, you ask?
You see, our mates at Australia‘s #1 sex shop and adult store, Lovehoney, have declared tomorrow to be Sexual Happiness Day. To celebrate, they’re giving away a whopping 10,000 vibrators worldwide, and agreed to fang a bunch of them our way to gift on to you.
Like World Oreo Day, World Puppetry Day and World Blasphemy Day (which is September 30th, you big fucks), SHD is a day to indulge all things sexual.
That includes masturbating, furiously even. It’s a reason to drop whatever you’re doing and rub one out. An excuse to throw caution to the wind and go to town on yourself* in the name of unity, harmony and community.
*In private. Please.
But when done freestyle, without the aid of technology, masturbating can be hard work. Since Sexual Happiness Day is a day of pleasure, not pain (or rather, the mild inconvenience of getting a tired hand) we’re doing a big horny send out.
The tool on offer is none other than the Lovehoney Dream Bullet 10 Function Bullet Vibrator, a small pink pulsating thingummy jig that promises to provide the “climax of a lifetime”.
small, yet mighty
“Pick the pattern or speed to suit you, aim the tapered tip at external erogenous zones, and travel with accelerated speed to that special place,” reads the website, and honestly, we’re halfway there.
Its small size makes it a fabulous entry-level gadget for those not well acquainted with the world of mastubatory tools. It also means when it arrives in the mail, your housemates / dad / partner won’t suspect a thing. Nice.
Side note: Lovehoney also spoofed out a big ass survey to uncover which ‘Strayan state is the horniest and yes, it’s QLD. Moving on.
For the chance to win one of these pink palpitating gasm-givers, all you gotta do is answer the below. May the force of a million spasms be with you.
In 25 words or less, tell us what’s getting you extra squirrelly in the pants this World Sexual Happiness Day?