Shit happens.

For some, it happens every day. 

For others, it’s more of a every-second-day thing.

Sometimes you need to snap one off midway through a run. Sometimes you need to let Mr Hanky loose at your date’s house. The worst? When you need to lay pipes on a packed flight.

A Flight Attendant’s Revealed The Perfect Time To Take A 10-Min Shit On Board

that leg shake

The cubicle is tiny. It always takes you a few tries to get the little foldy door open, making you look like a right n00bette. There’s usually a line of people waiting to use it right after you, meaning your every sigh, heave and push will be public knowledge, and you’ll be forever identifiable as That Person Who Grew A Big Stinky Tail On That Flight That One Time. Sad!

Thankfully, we’ve fished out a very choice little nugget of information on when, and how, to shit on an aeroplane. (You can thank me after the jump drop.)

Mel Magazine spoke to former flight attendant Erika Roth about how to navigate this oftentimes ugly shituation.

She actually suggests trying your hardest to not crap on a plane, because the stench can easily “fill a cabin quickly.” 

If you’re desperate, though? Do it like this.

The best time to hotfoot it to the loo is as soon as the seatbelt sign turns off and before wait service begins. 

Supposedly, you’ve got 5 – 10 minutes to polish it off. If you crawl up to 20 mins on the can, people will start knocking. If you’re a slow and steady operator, it’s best to down an alcoholic beverage of shot of espresso to get the brick laid.

While it’s all fun and games to joke about poo, mixing it with aviation has had some dire consequences in the past.

As the Daily Mail reports, two years ago a flight was forced to return to London due to a foul odour emanating from an overflowing (!!!) toilet. The seven-hour flight was aborted ‘because of a smelly poo in the toilet’. They literally turned the plane around.

Moral of the story? Just never poo.

Source: Mel Magazine.

Photo: Kevork Djansezian / Getty.