This story contains spoilers for the first three episodes of The White Lotus Season Two.
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Dear reader, today I am physically writing to you from the bed in my overpriced Inner West Sydney sharehouse, but mentally I am writing to you from a fictional hotel in Sicily and have spent the day sipping Aperol Spritzes and hooning around on a jetski. Yes, I fear I am completely obsessed with The White Lotus. And boy, do I have a fan theory to share with you all.

This theory centres on everyone’s favourite evil-hot, non-voting, sexy-douchebag-finance-bro and seemingly-sweet-but-potentially-conniving-MILF couple, Daphne (Meghann Fahy) and Cameron (Theo James and his gigantic schlong).

Elite Daily shared a fan theory that Daphne and Cameron are intentionally trying to break up Harper (Aubrey Plaza in full slay mode) and Ethan (Will Sharpe).

The idea is, in essence, that Daph and Cam want Harper and Ethan to break-up so Ethan will invest all of his dollarydoos into Cameron’s finace-y business. Do not ask me what that man does.

I, for one, am fully convinced.

In Episode Three of The White Lotus Season Two, Daphne tells Harper she’s spontaneously booked them a night in a bougie palazzo. As a lesbian, I was somewhat hoping Daphne would hit on Harper. But alas, as soon as she started talking about the power games she and Cameron play, I was suspicious.

Cameron was more blatantly encouraging Ethan to cheat on Harper with Mia (Beatrice Grannò) and honestly, I’m not surprised.

But it’s Daphne who’s the more compelling character for me: and while I want to believe her intentions aren’t bad, I simply cannot trust a woman that wealthy. Sorry.

Plus, the idea that her and Cameron are in cahoots makes sense when you remember the scene of the two of them bitching about Harper in their room. I feel like Harper is about to become the victim of some serious gaslighting by this couple, I won’t lie.

We’re only three episodes in, but I am absolutely convinced that couple is up to something.

It’s more compelling, IMO, because the season seems incredibly focused on gender dynamics.

Aside from Cameron “alpha dogging” Ethan, there’s Albie (Adam DiMarco) and his semi-creepy Nice Guy image and insistence he’s different to his philandering dad (an excellent Michael Imperioli) and sexist Boomer grandad (F. Murray Abraham). You also have the awful Greg (Jon Gries) and his clear dislike of wife Tanya (Jennifer Coolidge).

All these men are grappling with their sense of masculinity, and I have a sense the repercussions will be messy.

Suffice to say: Cameron, and probably Daphne, are definitely up to something and I can’t wait to see more of their psychosexual wiles.

However, a bunch of other fans have speculated Cameron is in fact the bloke in the body bag at the start of episode one.

Now, I’m not 100 per cent convinced here: Daphne is the one who finds the body, though it is facedown in the water.

But when police are taking the body bag away, you can see Daphne standing to the side watching — surely she would have recognised her husband if he was pulled out of the water? And if so, it seems weird for her to just stand there.

Mysteries upon mysteries.

In short: I cannot fucking wait for episode four. Give me more Meghann Fahy and Aubrey Plaza, or give me death.

The White Lotus Season Two is now streaming on BINGE and Foxtel, with new eps dropping weekly.

Image: HBO / The White Lotus