You got a peen? You got a masterpiece.

Or rather, you’ll create a masterpiece during the nude painting workshops at our upcoming self-care festival, Selfish Saturday on Feb 22.

Presented by The House of Angostura, the one-day fest at Melbourne’s The Timber Yard is the primo place to be if you froth killer music, sex-ed classes, advice on manifestation, pop-up bars slinging alcoholic and non-alcoholic bevs, and a bit of healthy competition in the form of a vibrator race.

Tickets are on sale for 50 bucks (which you can buy HERE), with $5 from every sale going towards the RSPCA for bushfire relief.

Plus, they come with a gift bag worth $100, so essentially, you’re making $50 and you get to attend a festival.

You do the math.

The festival comes off the back of last year’s sold-out Selfish Weekend in Sydney, after people from other states got wind of our shenanigans and realised they’d missed out pretty damn hard.

So, back by popular demand and one-or-two threatening emails from Melbourne punters, we’ve recruited a tonne of familiar faces to guide you through everything from masturbation to mental health.

You can have a squiz at the current line-up below:

Mastering Smug Sundays: A Guide To Mindful Boozing w/ The House Of Angostura

The Sex-Ed You’ll Thank Us For Later w/ Sexologist Chantelle Otten


The Big Gay Debate w/ Melbourne’s Loudest & Proudest Comedians

What’s Good For The Scroll And/Or Soul w/ Alex Hayes

Meet Melbourne’s Movers & Money-Makers w/ Jenni Ryall

Don’t Be A Dick: Climate Action & Sustainability w/ Laura Wells

A Simple Yet Effective Guide To Manifesting w/ Flex Mami

Havin’ A Laff & A Haff w/ Comedy Duo Double Denim

Finally Something Worth Drawing

The Vibrator Dash

Sportsgirl Beauty Pop-Up w/ Jacob Stella

Make sure to head to our official Selfish Saturday website HERE to grab tickets, find out more info on everything going down on the day, and to suss out the music line-up that’s yet to be announced.

See everyone on the big day – I’ll be the one wearing the dildo hat.

Friendly reminder to be 18+ if you’re gonna (responsibly) bev.