Happy Valentine’s Day to each and every bad binch roaming the Earth. It’s the greatest capitalist holiday to ever be created which exists solely to celebrate a chemical release of endorphins that only the coupled of us have constant access to. Great fun!
Today I’ll be sharing just 10 movies that aren’t anti-Valentine’s Day so to speak, but revolve around murderous women and the downfall of men. Hey, some of us need an outlet on a day that reminds us that we’re single as fuck.
So here you go, a bunch of movies that will comfort you if you’ve been wronged by men, or frighten your boyfriend if you watch them with him.
Midsommar
Do you love your boyfriend but also kind of hate him too? Do his friends suck ass? Like, do they all really belong in therapy, even though you’re the one having a breakdown right now?
And hey, maybe your family is also dead in a tragic murder-suicide? Maybe? Probably not.
If any of these sentiments ring true, cuddle up with an IKEA Djungelkog for a solo movie night because this horror flick is for you.
Gone Girl
Nothing is more enchanting and mysterious than going on a solo girls trip around the country with absolutely earth-shattering consequences for your boyfriend who is being investigated for possibly murdering you!
But hey, he ruined your life, he deserves it!
Available on Disney+ now.
The Girl on the Train
If Emily Blunt was a girlboss in The Devil Wears Prada and was gatekeeped (from talking) in A Quiet Place, then this is her gaslight movie.
Gaslit? On Valentine’s Day? It’s more likely than you’d think.
Available on Netflix now.
Heathers
Imagine Mean Girls (which we all love) but with a murderous subplot attached to it. One simply must stan Winona Ryder acting the hell out of this role.
Available on Stan now.
The Invisible Man
Apart from the fact that most of us will be spending Valentine’s Day with an invisible man, why not scare the shit out of yourself forever with this horror film?
Men? The villain? I want escapism goddammit.
Available on Netflix now.
Promising Young Woman
Not for the faint of heart, but it’s definitely a revenge film for the ages.
Hell, it almost won the Oscar for Best Picture in 2021 but Frances McDormand was in a movie so we had to go and give it to that instead.
Jennifer’s Body
A cheerleader who eats men? Directed by a woman and starring two female leads? Iconic. Do not even LOOK at me until you’ve seen it.
Available on Disney+ now.
Ma
Do you want to see a single, successful woman in her prime, accomplishing her goals and pushing herself to new limits never seen before?
Then watch Ma. Don’t make her drink alone.
Charlie’s Angels
Three women kicking ass? Sounds like the best movie premise I’ve ever seen in my life. Mostly because it is.
Available on Netflix now.
Under the Tuscan Sun
Okay, this one isn’t about murdering men at all, but it sure is a fun inclusion.
Think about it, what’s better than saying to your friends that you’re going to be watching Under the Tuscan Sun alone on Valentine’s Day?
That sounds so chic, so glamorous. Pour a glass of wine, maybe even set yourself up in a bubble bath. Light a few candles. Serotonin will be at an all-time high.
Available on Disney+ now.
