It’s fair to say a night out usually involves interacting with a rich tapestry of strangers. While most of your time will ideally be spent with mates, there’s some people you just won’t be able to avoid.
From bartenders to wet blankets, here’s the folks we’ve all met at some point or another.
The surly bartender
He’s been working all week and all he wants is a cigarette and a lie down but wouldn’t ya know it, he’s pouring your beer and he’s not bloody happy about it. Usually characterised by a sullen expression, short temper, and under-his-breath insults, old mate has no qualms with making your bar experience far meaner than usual.
After a cocktail that involves more than 2 steps to prepare? Get ready for eye-roll city, pal, ’cause you’re heading there. Other free trips to eye-roll city include asking about the price of every single tap beer, requesting an exotic or completely made up drink, or just generally being an annoying/rude shit.
Keeping your orders simple and polite is the key to dealing with the surly bartender. It’s not your fault, he’s just tired.
The ‘woo’ girls
Heard long before they’re seen, ‘woo’ girls travel in packs and are usually celebrating an occasion like a birthday or hen’s night.
They’re happy, they’re here to party and above all, they’re bloody loud. They will ‘woo’ at just about anything you can imagine. Happy hour? “WOOO”. The timeless hit ‘Get Low’ is played? “WOOOO”. OMG, Katrina just gave the DJ her number? The longest “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”.
We get it, you’re having a good time and that’s great, but could ya limit the ‘woo’s to maybe 1 per hour? Cheers.
The hammered idiot
Uh oh, make way for the blithering drunk. Homeboy/girl has been drinking since 11am and they have absolutely zero intentions of stopping now.
If you’re lucky, you’ll observe them from afar, but if you’re within stumbling vicinity, prepare for impact immediately. It usually goes something like this – an arm will appear around your neck, almost like it fell from the sky in terms of suddenness and downward force, and then you’ll hear the speech of a fully-grown infant in your ear.
“Ayyy arr ya havin’ a gewd night? I losss mah friends but fhuck them I don’t even like Gary anyway,” they might slur directly into your soul. I mean, it could be any number of things, but it will almost always be nonsense.
I know what you’re thinking, it’s what we all think – stay in your lane, drunk mate. Fair, but look, they’ve gone a little overboard during the day and hey, haven’t we all at one point or another? Politely decline their weird advance, offer them some water and set them free to roam once more.
If they’re rreeaallyy messed up, make sure you let a staff member of the establishment know so they can get some help if needed.
The 18-year-olds
Finally, no more sneaky sessions down at the park with 3 to 4 of dad’s warm Crownies, they’re ready to legally get on the piss in a pub or club. Congratulations are in order, but let’s get a couple of things straight.
While most of their behaviour is completely harmless, it can be annoying to established folk of the night. Such acts include failing to observe proper bar line etiquette, being infuriatingly obnoxious in large groups, or engaging in horse play that’s harshing the general vibe of the establishment.
Your instinct will be to yell, but we were all young once and probably acted the same way at some point, so cut ’em a little slack, would ya? If they’re getting on your nerves, politely tell them they’re stinking up the joint with their behaviour and to tone it down a little. More often than not you’ll scare the shit out of them and they’ll probably just leave anyway.
Harsh, but they must learn.
The homebody
They don’t want to be there, they’re sick of you looking so happy and their glares are like disgruntled laser beams. This killjoy has got 500 CCs of harshed buzz on standby and if you get in their way, they’ll be jabbing it straight into your veins.
Usually coaxed or guilt-tripped into a night out by one of their friends, old mate would much rather be at home watching Netflix or playing video games. They have absolutely no interest in the “fun” you’re having, so it’s best to avoid them altogether.
At absolutely no point should you try to cheer them up or pull them onto the dance floor – their pals have already tried and failed. Allow them to wallow in their sadness but if your eyes happen to meet, offer a soft smile. It might help.
You never know what might happen on those party nights, so make sure you have health cover for the unexpected. Medibank have some excellent cover you’ll definitely be interested in.
