We Must Protect Carlin & His Beautiful Peach Emoji Ass At All Costs

Contributor: PEDESTRIAN.TV

WOWEE. That was something. There was an elderly group date with GILFs parading around left, right and centre, a 50 Shades date with Ryan, an explosive question time, a famewhore exposed (*cough* BYE RYAN *cough*) and random people going home. For the full lowdown, check out the episode recap below.

Now let’s quickly dive into the juicy bits (AKA your best tweets) so I can talk about this evening’s main topic: Carlin.

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To start off, people were still justifiably devo about a certain fabulous someone not being present this episode.

Then there was Carlin’s boot- I mean, a group date of some sort… Sorry, I literally just couldn’t focus on anything other than that immaculately sculpted peach booty. We thirsted. Hard.

We then unanimously cringed during the ‘intimate exercises’ date that looked exactly like a wannabe 50 Shades date. Ryan got super horny. We got super flaccid.

After this date, the boys reconvened, and wait… I swear this was the final 3 between Carlin, Ryan and Timm… who were the other 3? WHOMST? Who said “drama with a side of lols”? A ghost?

Then Ryan was exposed as a snake (AHHAHAHHA), which was music to the world’s ears.


Some random guys eventually went home (once again, if you want the full lowdown, the full recap is here) but, more importantly, I feel like we must protect Carlin at all costs against snakey Ryan. Yes, the preview for the next episode is scary and may potentially expose some secrets from Carlin’s past. Yes, he’s done acting and modelling work in the past (literally find one of these contestants who hasn’t, I dare you). But, from what we’ve seen so far, Carlin’s been nothing but kind and sweet to Ang.

We also need his peach ass in more episodes. There. I said it. Thank you.

I’ll leave you with this conversation-starter: