Sophie Copped A Whole Mess Of Blokey Tears In Tonight’s ‘The Bachelorette’

It’s Bachelorette time baby! It’s week four of this manly mess of a dating show, with Sophie Monk still dealing with the heights of grot masculinity bared for all to see. Tonight we were promised onesies, wine and heart-to-hearts and we definitely got two of ’em! Let’s dive in shall we?

As we meet the boys for tonight’s ep they’re gathered around the couches and, jesus fucking christ, Jarrod is STILL talking about his pot plant being pissed in. It’s a plant you goober, calm your farm and double down on your ritalin dosage whilst you’re at it chief.

Osher swans in with a solo date card and swings it the way of relative newcomer Stu, the filthy rich yet endearingly goofy older guy, who everyone is already super suss on, and Sophie takes him out on boat as that’s what he asked her to do a year ago before getting shut the fuck down BY HER. Fkn lol Soph you sneaky legend.

They play some golf on a yacht, a pastime enjoyed by many true-blue Aussies on a daily basis, and Stu pretty much nails it (the date, not her, don’t be gross):

And of course he gets a rose and a pash, cause that’s how this shit goes:

Sophie, if you hadn’t noticed, is a bloody down-to-earth sheila, so for the next group date she’s organised a chill night at hers, with onesies, games, product placement and men acting like petulant children. Huzzah!

After some blokey backyard bullshit (funnily enough a phrase I type into GayTube quite frequently) we got to the juicy part where Soph decided to play the “questions from the bowl” game (ah, yes, that classic?) in order to unearth some HOT GOSS.

Although the soppy, piano music queues attempted to make us feel like some real emosh shit was gonna go down, mostly we got your average braindead man attempt at espousing generic shit like “getting ya heart sucks aye”:

Unfortunately like anything else given a ‘gate’ suffix, what has been annoyingly deemed “plantgate” came back to the fore, with Jarrod putting a question in the bowl straight up asking who pissed in his pot plant. I mean, we all know it was Blake, right? Blake pissed in it.

One of reality TV’s favourite tropes that attempt to pull out the tears, is getting contestants to talk about their families and whoo boy did the producers get some gold here, with Sophie bringing out items from home and forcing the blokes to talk about childhood memories and piss tears in front of the nation.

Whilst its easy (AND FUN!) to take the piss out of it, it was genuinely nice to see these guys drop their toxic masculinity shields for a moment and talk from the heart about cherished memories.

Men get emotional too, and any depiction of blokes honestly showing it helps to breakdown the poisonous stereotype.

Super keen bean Mack got a quick one-on-one where he gushed over Sophie being “beautiful”, something I’m sure she’s never heard before, but thankfully it wasn’t too long until the rose ceremony where Perfect Man Osher told the fellas two of them would be getting the punt.

And oh no how very sad for them, Mack and Luke went home, despite everyone wanting hipster fuckhead Sam to get the chop:

Ok that was fun, see you all next time, except for you hollyween, who is never watching this again, apparently. K, hun. Bye.