It’s Bachelorette time baby! It’s week four of this manly mess of a dating show, with Sophie Monk still dealing with the heights of grot masculinity bared for all to see. Tonight we were promised onesies, wine and heart-to-hearts and we definitely got two of ’em! Let’s dive in shall we?
As we meet the boys for tonight’s ep they’re gathered around the couches and, jesus fucking christ, Jarrod is STILL talking about his pot plant being pissed in. It’s a plant you goober, calm your farm and double down on your ritalin dosage whilst you’re at it chief.
https://twitter.com/krayzay/status/918035040763707392
I hope we find out it was Osher who peed in Jarrod’s pot plant #BacheloretteAU
— Tahlia Pritchard (@Tahls) October 11, 2017
https://twitter.com/anguslivingston/status/918032531341033472
https://twitter.com/brodielancaster/status/918032436910366721
Osher swans in with a solo date card and swings it the way of relative newcomer Stu, the filthy rich yet endearingly goofy older guy, who everyone is already super suss on, and Sophie takes him out on boat as that’s what he asked her to do a year ago before getting shut the fuck down BY HER. Fkn lol Soph you sneaky legend.
They play some golf on a yacht, a pastime enjoyed by many true-blue Aussies on a daily basis, and Stu pretty much nails it (the date, not her, don’t be gross):
She stood him up. Stu is the poster boy for persistence. We should all have a motivational poster on our wall of Stu #bacheloretteau
— Ben Shute (@Ben_Shute) October 11, 2017
Hi Stu, I’ve come to pick you up in a reminder of your previous disappointment. #BacheloretteAU
— Jo Thornely (@jothornely) October 11, 2017
Stu is a good Aussie bloke and he is loaded #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/hKrFch3CPQ
— Bachie Banter (@BachieBanterPod) October 11, 2017
stu is a soft daddy and i LOVE it #BacheloretteAU
— kel knight (@hyobvious) October 11, 2017
Oh Stu! Hella smooth. #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/JVG4P4qpK9
— Nads (@Andtheysaidwhat) October 11, 2017
https://twitter.com/PSDontTellMum/status/918037727416811522
And of course he gets a rose and a pash, cause that’s how this shit goes:
Less talking, more pashing Stu!#bacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/OysXnuoxxy
— Osher Günsberg (@oshergunsberg) October 11, 2017
Sophie, if you hadn’t noticed, is a bloody down-to-earth sheila, so for the next group date she’s organised a chill night at hers, with onesies, games, product placement and men acting like petulant children. Huzzah!
I just want to chill on the couch at home with my nine boyfriends. #BacheloretteAU
— Jo Thornely (@jothornely) October 11, 2017
Your trunk seems to be happy to be there Blake. #bacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/YyUp50ugDm
— Osher Günsberg (@oshergunsberg) October 11, 2017
my housemate just said “ewwwww I’ve got the same onesie as jarrod” and I can relate #BacheloretteAU
— Alex Bruce-Smith (@alexbrucesmith) October 11, 2017
This is too much heterosexuality sorry #BacheloretteAU
— Bec Shaw (@Brocklesnitch) October 11, 2017
We’ll drink to this bromance. #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/Q1m1TO1tcQ
— #BacheloretteAU (@BacheloretteAU) October 11, 2017
After some blokey backyard bullshit (funnily enough a phrase I type into GayTube quite frequently) we got to the juicy part where Soph decided to play the “questions from the bowl” game (ah, yes, that classic?) in order to unearth some HOT GOSS.
Although the soppy, piano music queues attempted to make us feel like some real emosh shit was gonna go down, mostly we got your average braindead man attempt at espousing generic shit like “getting ya heart sucks aye”:
Why is Sophie’s game the same as the box you had in sex ed in high school for embarrassing questions #BacheloretteAU
— Claire (@goudagoddess) October 11, 2017
Adult truth or dare. Without the dare. Awesome #BacheloretteAU
— Merryn Porter (@Merryn_Porter) October 11, 2017
It’s hard to have a decent conversation…mainly because they are all self absorbed dickheads #BacheloretteAU
— Bleepity Bloop (@jveetz) October 11, 2017
Unfortunately like anything else given a ‘gate’ suffix, what has been annoyingly deemed “plantgate” came back to the fore, with Jarrod putting a question in the bowl straight up asking who pissed in his pot plant. I mean, we all know it was Blake, right? Blake pissed in it.
The highest rating show on Australian tv tonight is about who pissed in a pot plant #bacheloretteAU
— Brianna Parkins (@parkinsbrea) October 11, 2017
https://twitter.com/BlakeisBatman/status/918042917058396160
“A token of love”??? Is he for real?? It’s a plant mate, a plant!!! #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/Xv0nidI4Zl
— Just Sue.🇺🇦 (@SueKennedy19) October 11, 2017
https://twitter.com/ablackberryfall/status/918040418356359168
One of reality TV’s favourite tropes that attempt to pull out the tears, is getting contestants to talk about their families and whoo boy did the producers get some gold here, with Sophie bringing out items from home and forcing the blokes to talk about childhood memories and piss tears in front of the nation.
Whilst its easy (AND FUN!) to take the piss out of it, it was genuinely nice to see these guys drop their toxic masculinity shields for a moment and talk from the heart about cherished memories.
Men get emotional too, and any depiction of blokes honestly showing it helps to breakdown the poisonous stereotype.
Look at these two love bunnies!#BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/zDpOtZFUAQ
— Channel 10 (@Channel10AU) October 11, 2017
James in a dinosaur onesie getting teary over his childhood stuffed bunny is… yeah, this is the content I’m here for. #BacheloretteAU
— Jodi McAlister (@JodiMcA) October 11, 2017
https://twitter.com/haIIwayangel/status/918045064974053376
James’ teddy. #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/fvql5xfdjH
— Triple-Jab Tuffers 💉💉💉 (@RichardTuffin) October 11, 2017
This is the weirdest shit I’ve ever watched….amaazing!!! #thebacheloretteau #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/nB7LhDKUml
— KIIS 1065 (@KIIS1065) October 11, 2017
Super keen bean Mack got a quick one-on-one where he gushed over Sophie being “beautiful”, something I’m sure she’s never heard before, but thankfully it wasn’t too long until the rose ceremony where Perfect Man Osher told the fellas two of them would be getting the punt.
And oh no how very sad for them, Mack and Luke went home, despite everyone wanting hipster fuckhead Sam to get the chop:
Sophie saving Sam over Luke. SERIOUSLY WHAAAAT?! #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/rnHygB6f3e
— TV WEEK (@TVWEEKmag) October 11, 2017
Sam over Luke!??? #BacheloretteAU pic.twitter.com/h7zsVAWxmN
— Nads (@Andtheysaidwhat) October 11, 2017
And Sophie elects to keep The Hair, and boot the two slices of white bread with the weirdest faces #BacheloretteAU
— Catelyn Jones (@CatelynJoneses) October 11, 2017
Sophie how dare you boot uberbabe luke beforr we could ogle his body one more time?! #BacheloretteAU
— georgia is on maternity leave! (@georgetweets2u) October 11, 2017
https://twitter.com/angieandyvie/status/918048427010801667
I love the way Sophie stares at Osher so she doesn’t have to look at 13yr old Mack’s disappointed pre pubescent face #BacheloretteAU
— ceecee (@wrasslin__) October 11, 2017
Ok that was fun, see you all next time, except for you hollyween, who is never watching this again, apparently. K, hun. Bye.
I AM NEVER WATCHING THIS SHOW AGAIN #BacheloretteAU
— hol (@changedhol) October 11, 2017
