Of all the people in the world to start beef with, online or otherwise, Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson is just hands down a horrible, horrible choice.
Not only could The Rock snap your entire body in half with his pinky, but such is his wholesome purity and flawless online presence that any barbs hurled his way will ultimately bounce of his chiseled, no-doubt sublimely moisturised exterior.
This is the mistake made by Empire Magazine’s
Olly Gibbs who drew comparisons on Twitter between The Rock’s upcoming ‘
Jumanji‘ sequel (
the trailer of which dropped this morning) and the 2003 Sean William Scott vehicle ‘
Welcome To The Jungle’.
(For those unfamiliar with how Twitter works, know that @-tagging the person you’re attempting to have a cheeky stab at, is the equivalent of covering yourself in delicious, juicy porterhouse steaks and hurling your body into the lion enclosure at Taronga Zoo whilst screaming “LIONS ARE JERKS”.)
Never one to ignore a diss, The Rock replied to Olly’s tweet, imploring him to wait for the movie to come out before making any shitty little jokes and also accusing him of using a “non masculine” emoji.
Whilst I struggle to see how a mostly featureless yellow circle with eyebrows could be considered non-masculine, The Rock says it is, and thus, it is so.
This is where shit gets interesting though, as Dwayne’s femme-shaming of an emoji led firstly to some photo-shopping attempts to masc it up, and then the ultimate discovery of the exact origins of the thinking emoji:
The Rock invented emoji. The Rock invented fitness. The Rock invented eyebrows.
So all’s well that end’s well and in this case Olly gets to walk away intact and with the knowledge that he unearthed the origin of one of the most popular emojis around.
We love you Dwayne Johnson, thank you for inventing so many things.
Photo: WWE.
