Queer Eye‘s Antoni Porowski and Jonathan Van Ness have soft-launched their relationship. My heart is full, my skin is cleansed and my wallet wants to know what the FUCK they want from it. The jig is up friends, I know this is just some stunt to launch a product. My only question is, what exactly are they gonna be selling, because it sure isn’t romance.

Antoni and Jonathan took to socials today to reveal that they’re “finally together” on Thursday morning. A clever choice of wording to make people think they’re in a relationship, when it probably means they’ve partnered up for a product launch.

Have a look at the posts below and try not to cringe into the void:

It doesn’t take a queer eye to realise that this is all a gimmick. I dunno about you but I find it so unnecessary that they’re doing all this just for a product.

My friends, we would buy anything you sold! Must we pretend to be fucking? We all know two bottoms don’t make a top!

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Internet sleuths have a couple of guesses as to what this dastardly duo will be trying to sell us. One of these guesses is pet food.

A perfect product for gays who own dogs and also the ideal treat for gays who pretend to be dogs. Win-win!

Some folks reckon that because Antoni tweeted “here’s to giving things a shot,” the two will be launching a fierce new range of alcoholic beverages. Nothing is more slay-mama-werk-the-house-down-boots than alcohol, after all.

I’m personally not fully sold on this theory, because you CAN see a bag of some sort in Antoni’s hand. Maybe it’s a goon bag?

Other people reckon they’re legitimately entering a polycule of some sort. Keep in mind that Jonathan and Antoni are married to super cuties already, so that would mean this relationship could have four people in it.

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However, this notion is probably the least real, as much as we’d want it to be.

I’m eager to see what this product is in the end. My money’s on dog food. I mean, a hairdresser and a chef teaming up for dog treats that will give your pup a shiny coat? Makes sense to me.

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