Pro-Mining Jacqui Lambie Posts Bizarre Anti-Mining Video Rant To Barnaby Joyce

Here’s a noodle-scratcher to try and wrap the head around on a Friday afternoon.

Everyone’s favourite cleanskin chardy and Cracker Barrel cheddar enthusiast Senator Jacqui Lambie has posted a exceedingly bizarre video rant aimed at Barnaby Joyce over his apparent failure to single-handedly prevent the Government approving the exceedingly controversial Shenhua Watermark coal mine.
Looking less like an actual serious political statement and more like a failed audition tape for Race Around The World, Lambie gets her serious voice on in addressing Joyce – reading from cue cards that look like they could be three rooms away judging by her points of gaze. And just because we haven’t gotten a full grasp of how seriously serious she is, Lambie abruptly sits down mid-rant.

The jump cuts! The reading eyes! The weird shaky cam! It’s got it all.
‘Course once we delve into the actual content of that little spiel, we get some absolute pearlers.
“If it can happen in New South Wales, it can happen in any state of Australia, including my Tasmania.”

“How can any Tasmanian farmer trust the Liberal Federal Government not to allow mining on their prime agricultural land?

Condemnation of the Shenhua Watermark coal mine has also been strong from the Green Party, who no more than a week ago Senator Lambie slammed – even compared them to the Islamic State – for their anti-mining stance.

“Both those groups would like us to go back and live in the dark ages. That’s the problem I have with [them]. They’d like us to go live back in caves with candles and eat tofu.”

And then comes the real mic drop of the whole thing – Lambie reveals she’s going to be on Q&A on July 20th (Dog help us all) and issues the challenge to Joyce thusly.

“Why don’t you come on too? Stop being the Liberals’ lap dog and bring back the old Nationals attack dog.”

“Our children and grandchildren won’t be able to eat dirt, Barnaby, so it’s time to stop licking the dirt off the Liberals’ boots.”

Meanwhile whoever is directing this clearly candid masterpiece continues lazily flicking between their two shots like a dying metronome.

In summation:
  • Poor zoom control, and lack of shot stability.
  • Shot selection shows no regard for the theory taught in class all semester.
  • Dialogue lacks coherency and fails to tell a story.
  • On screen delivery nervy, isn’t believable.
This is it, folks. Auspol is done for the week. Pack ‘er up, boys.