I don’t know why this happened, or when it happened, but post offices in Australia sell a LOT of questionable stuff. If I were to take a stab in the dark, I’d say they made a deal with the “As Seen On TV” devil.
I couldn’t tell you if people actually buy this shit and mail it to their loved ones. I like to hope not. The bits and bobs range from mildly alarming to positively terrifying. Not to say I don’t adore them being near the counter for me to peruse while I wait for an insanely long time to buy some express post bags. NEVER LEAVE ME, weird As Seen On TV products.
Here’s what I found.
Relatively normal, if slightly unnerving children’s book. I still didn’t need two rotund pink cheeks poking out at me while waiting in line and hoping I don’t catch coronavirus.
Oh my god SLAP BANDS! IN THE WILD! Write this one up as Good Shit.
As my colleague Lucinda pointed out to me, this cooking plate (what is it? Just a closeable electric pan?) looks exactly like a toilet. Now it’s all I can see. And so can you.
I…. don’t understand. So this is a hat for wearing in the arctic? Or just every day? It cools my head but I also get UV protected? Also don’t you think they could have made it a BIT less hideous? Like I get you need the reflective panel here but come on, safari khaki?
I won’t even lie, I’m 10000% down with this bad boy because I wash my feet before bed every night. I would die for this machine. GIMME.
Something you’ll find in post offices is a plethora of egg-related technology. Apparently the Venn Diagram of As Seen On TV lovers and egg fanatics has huge crossover. Anyway this thing I think sucks the shell off your egg, like the one in Bridget Jones’ Diary and her mum squirts the stuff out… it’s all bad here.
I’ve never wanted anything more than I’ve wanted this Lizard Cam.
I see how this is genius. I do. Especially if you live in the outback, or some other place riddled with flies (I’m not even stereotyping here, I was literally there it is RIDDLED WITH FLIES RIGHT NOW). I can tell you this for free though – my dog would not push through the velcro, she would just rip the mesh apart with her teeth until it was merely sad strips.
You may be able to see without glare, but you’re gonna be doing it while looking like a background zoo staffer from Tiger King.
Ok bear with me here – automatic foot scraper thingies are SO DAMN SATISFYING. A primo isolation exercise, to scrape dead skin off your heels. So one that SUCKS UP THE FLAKES? Sign me the fuck up.
Yep, you can buy the iconic Shamwow at your local post office.
I kind of love the idea of a weather station, because I’m a slut for weather and love a good cool change.
RFID wallet protecting your credit cards from skimming? Genius! Bottle opener? Love those! Together? ….why.
And we will finish with this legally questionable device, which allows you to record pretty much anything and will likely open you up to a world of surveillance criminal charges!
