Pubs Are Reopening In The Top End Today & The NT News Is Lording It Over The Rest Of Us

Ever-gracious in its excitement about being able to go back to the pub, the Northern Territory’s leading ratbag newspaper The NT News has taken every liberty to absolutely fucken lord it over the rest of country.

From midday today, May 15, the territory’s pubs are allowed to once again reopen and knock the froth off the beers after 53 long days, and in preparation to celebrate with possibly the biggest lunch-into-knockoffs imaginable, the rogue newspaper has filled its front cover and pages celebrating just about every watering hole in the state.

In the Back To The Pub souvenir edition of the NT News, there’s this absolute smartass front page to really rub the salt in the wound for the rest of us who are looking at our local longingly, missing the smell of the dank carpet and the sound of the footy in the back beer garden. It’s incredibly rude but you know what, we’d act exactly the same way.

Inside the paper itself, Territorians are treated to a whopping 16-page spread that shouts out pubs from right across the Top End.

They had the nerve the other day to clap back at NSW’s 10-person-ruling, which tbh is pretty ridiculous I’ll admit.

The cheek of them, I swear to God.

And if that wasn’t enough absolute scenes from the NT News, they’ve also included a limited run of coasters that you can cut out and chuck under your frothy at the pub. (If you’re in the NT, where the pubs are opening. Not sure if you caught that bit.)

This is pretty bloody genius, actually. I want a set of coasters with the paper’s best front pages on it. The “Cracker Up My Clacker” one is an iconic moment in Australian journalism, and I won’t hear otherwise.

It’s not just the paper that’s taking every opportunity to rub it in our faces that they can turn the taps back on today, The Landmark in Yarrawonga has posted up this exceptional video of a bunch of tradies cautiously returning to their natural habitat when the doors open at 3pm this arvo.

Yeah, look NT, good on ya. Suck the dick off a cold one for the rest of us today, will ya? We’ll see you at the pub eventually. Some day. Who knows when, but Christ I hope it’s soon.