It’s the weird bit of the year between Christmas and New Year where we lose all track of the day and mark time purely by meals and snacks. This strange little portion of time is when the ancient scrolls of French astrologer and ol’ mate Nostradamus are unfurled to reveal his predictions for the coming year. Hold onto thine asses because, my leftover-snacking friends, it is time.
The 16th-century stargazer loved to entwine his 1555 writings Les Prophéties with a bit of drama and many have claimed he foretold things like the September 11 attacks and the COVID-19 pandemic. The New York Post has poured over his predictions towards the ass end of this year so while we’re horizontal on the couch/bed/beach let’s have a look into what ol’ mate Nosty saw in the stars for 2023.
May I suggest consuming these with a generous pinch of salt?
What Are The Nostradamus Predictions For 2023?
World War III
Everyone’s kept half an eye on it for ages but apparently, things may be coming to a head in 2023. Nostradamus supposedly wrote about a “seven-month great war” and “people dead through evil” which could indicate an escalation of the various conflicts around the world. Could the Ukraine war bubble over next year or the recent Russian oil ban turn into an all-out global fracas?
Burning Down A Royal House
Nostradamus scrawled about a “celestial fire on the royal edifice” which could mean a literal torching on a palace from the sky (lightning, meteor or a secret third option) or perhaps a more metaphorical blaze within a royal home. The Post noted it could be the whole Prince Harry and Meghan Markle fiasco causing trust in the British monarchy to get seriously burnt up in the new year. Only time will tell I suppose.
The Antichrist Appears
Ooh how fun — we’re all bored of La Niña and Il Niño so why not a little visit from the Prince of Darkness instead? Nossy predicted “the Antichrist very soon annihilates the three” (assuming the Father, Son and Holy Spirit) in a war that will last 27 years.
“The unbelievers are dead, captive, exiled. With blood, human bodies, water and red hail covering the earth,” the prophecy continued.
So either this is the Antichrist coming to reign hell over the world or maybe Machine Gun Kelly will reach his final form and take on the three Kardashian sisters. Or the Charmed ones. Who’s to say?
Shitloads Of Dead Fish
Probably the most believable prediction from Nostradamus’ centuries-old writings is of lots of dead fish in the sea. The Black Sea, specifically. Humanity is notorious for over-fishing and polluting waterways to the point of near extinction so his prophecy of “The Black Sea’s living fish shall all but boil” could ring reasonably true. Let’s not forget all the fish that showed up dead on the banks of the Murray River at the start of 2020 anytime soon.
Why did Nostradamus pin the dead fish on 2023’s predictions? Because of global warming and climate change, of course. Before he noted the Black Sea’s turmoil he said “like the sun, the head shall sear the shining sea”. While that might sound pretty cryptic it’s suspected this may mean the behaviour of the head (read: humankind) is set to affect oceanic temperatures as much as the sun. Ring any bells?
But, as my mum noted, we now have the foresight and the ability to do something about these predictions so here’s hoping the powers that be pull their fingers out and get to work.
So that’s what ol’ Frenchy Nostradamus has predicted for the next 12 months. Sorry if you were hoping 2023 was going to be any better than the last year we’ve just clawed our way through.