MTV Video Music Awards 2013 Red Carpet

The red carpet style at this year’s MTV Video Music Awards was surprisingly low key, with several of the nominees of higher star power eschewing attendance, and artists we usually rely on for outlandish fashion choices opting for uncharacteristically understated kit. Here’s a look at who wore what…

With her Morticia Adams weave and black custom Prabal Gurung gown, Lady Gaga was so ordinary-person-looking I almost bypassed her while trawling the photo feeds. The subtle makeup and soft coral lipstick looks quite beautiful which is… weird for Gaga, right? I guess she is carrying a purse made out of a horse’s tail, but on the whole I feel a little robbed of another Meat Dress moment.

… then she got in this Flying Nun haute couture robe for her live performance and the world felt safe once again.

Erin Wasson wore see-through black mesh Alexandre Vauthier Couture which should have been super hot but wasn’t.

What happened to whipped cream-dispensing bra cups and outfits inspired by the anthropomorphic Super Mario Bros cast, Katy Perry? We’ve already seen this Emanuel Ungaro dress on Coco Rocha at the MET Ball so this is a let down.

Rita Ora wears fabulous Louboutin heels with a Alexandre Vauthier dress / giant Swiffer.

I’m quite into this bejewelled ensemble Miley Cyrus pulled from the Dolce & Gabbana archives. With the red lips and her hair in bunches she’s channeling some Gwen Stefani-circa-1997 vibes and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. My only gripe is with those heinous white acrylic nails but I’m reaching. She looks youthful, super cute and her figure looks amazing.

Dude on the left with eyes on a direct trajectory to Miley’s butt clearly thinks so.

Grimes was surprisingly subdued in a sports-luxe ensemble of printed Versace menswear  and adidas shelltoes.

2 Chainz wore the same Versace pants but looked infinitely more fabulous/like a box of gilded Guylian chocolates thanks to the hideous/amazing matching jacket, custom Versace chainz and aura.

Taylor Swift looks like the Madame Tussauds wax figurine of Taylor Swift and not a flesh-and-blood human being because of the rigid pose, dead eyes and the hair style. But, be that as it may, she/it looks super vampy in a figure-hugging Herve Leger gown, smokey eye and red lip. She also mouthed ‘shut the fuck up‘ to Selena Gomez as One Direction accepted an award.

Speaking of Selena Gomez, she looks gorgeous in this Atelier Versace gown from the Fall 2013 collection. When I saw this dress on the runway with those beads that look like turned-off fairy lights and the confusing exposed lingerie element I thought “only Rihanna would look good in this dress” but I am happy to be wrong.

Body Party starring Ciara in Givenchy Couture from the flawless Fall 2011 collection.

Ugh. You ungrateful little shits, you’re about to see the *NSYNC reunion FFS.

One Direction at the 2013 MTV VMAs.

One Direction
at the 2012 MTV VMAs.

JESUS HARRY YOUR TAN. He looks like a cross between Richard Marx and “Dirrty”-era Christina Aguilera.

Girls actress Alison Williams looks really tasteful and chic in cream lace Valentino and clearly doesn’t belong here.

As usual, Richard Simmons gave more energy than anyone else on the red carpet, prancing about in Day-Glo lycra and perpetually looking as though he were doing a particularly musical fart.

All photos via Getty Images