In news that will mean absolutely nothing to people who recognise the true value of Monopoly is in inflicting psychological warfare on the ones you love, the board game’s maker Hasbro has announced it’s discontinuing the thimble token.
Hasbro made the announcement after it asked fans (read: tabletop sadomasochists) to vote on which of its playing pieces should remain in the game’s newer iterations, and which alternatives they might like to see. After over 4 million votes, the thimble didn’t secure enough.
In a statement intended for both casual players and hardcore adherents to Monopoly’s relationship-sabotaging ways, Hasbro said “the lucky Thimble has lost its ‘shine’ with today’s fans and will be retired from the game.”
That’s funny, considering there is no “luck” in Monopoly, only differing levels of emotional brutality, but hey.
It hasn’t yet been revealed what piece will take the thimble’s place, but we’ll find out sometime in March. We’re holding out for something that represents to the true spirit of the game: malice, ego, mistrust, and outright contempt for other contestants.