‘Married At First Sight’ Dude Keller Ain’t A Tattooed Thug, Wins Wife’s Luv

If you were one of many morbidly curious Australians who tuned into tonight’s season premiere of Married At First Sight, there’s a very decent chance you did so in anticipation of a human car crash. We can’t blame you. We did too. 

Oddly enough, tonight’s show – which essentially sees its producers smash two real-life humans together like an overzealous toddler would abuse Barbie and Action Man – showed the exact opposite. It avoided the drama altogether. Bear with us, but it was almost… Sweet. 

And that’s because of tattooed tradie, Keller. 

While having a fuckload of tattoos hardly brings the character-defining stigma it once did, having as much ink as the Brissie bloke still tends to irk some people. People like Nicole and her fam, who were shown quite early on to be some fairly conservative folks from a more rural background.

And yet. AND YET. Despite the obviously artificial nature of their, uh, “matrimony”, and the clawing notion that every single development on-screen could be the handiwork of some crafty editing, the pair’s instant affection was just too bloody nice – and it rubbed off on Nicole’s skeptical parents, too.

Welcome to the family, Keller! ?#9Married | https://t.co/R0zmOdTuoGhttps://t.co/ksgGO6aOYD

— MarriedAtFirstSight (@MarriedAU) August 29, 2016

See? Tattoos. Not a big deal. Channel 9 just proved it.

Conceptions were shattered. A nascent “marriage” was formed. We struggled to justify feelings of genuine warmth towards a couple who didn’t exist hours before the cameras started rolling. And, by the looks of things, Keller’s soft touch had Australia frothing:

Keller and Nicole have me melting #9Married pic.twitter.com/R6R6PfkAFS

— Meg (@avengermegs) August 29, 2016

#9Married Keller actually made me tear up. Someone find me a Keller haha

— ~ Naaaaddiiaaa ~ (@MyFEARLESSpirit) August 29, 2016

With that speech, Kellar has just won the heart of every female in the country #9Married

— Samelia’s Mum (@SameliasMum) August 29, 2016

Wifey just asked me why I can’t be more like Keller. Making my life hard champ! #9Married

— bdavin68 (@bdv1968) August 29, 2016

Is this going to disappoint us all? Perhaps. Are we fools for looking past the obvious, glaring difficulties that are certain to befall individuals coupled this way? More than likely. Does that mean we aren’t rooting for Keller and Nicole? Hell fuck no. 

Love conquers all. Even if love is initiated on “Australia’s largest social experiment.” Don’t let us down, guys.