Married At First Sight billed itself as a social experiment, but by all measures, it’s more of an experimental show. Channel Nine’s weird, weirdly captivating reality TV humonculus combines elements of The Bachelor, If You Are The One, and hints of nearly every other dating program ever conceived.

Tonight, it went one further, by leaving its TV inspiration behind. It straight-up adopted the Yay / Nay coinflip matching of Tinder. At tonight’s so-called Commitment Ceremony, the couples who’d been arbitrarily smashed together were asked to indicate if they wanted to keep up the ruse going by indicating their individual preferences on a ballot.

Despite a couple of interesting exceptions, it all played out as you’d expect. John decided to boot cultural tourist Deborah, while she indicated the opposite. Why? Well, maybe she realised that 30-years-old-and-up Polynesian men aren’t exactly as numerous as she’d hoped, but hey. Donezo.

 

 

V. ambitious and equally picky unit Michael said nah to Scarlett, and it was reciprocated. 

The remainder of the couples indicated they’d stay in it to win it. Susan and Sean, the show’s actual protagonists, signed on for more despite their geographic distance. Even Simon and Alene gave each other the ‘Stay’ vote. 

Then, Jon and Cheryl. Fucking Jon and Cheryl. After expressing their straight-up incompatibilities, they were told by the “experts” how excited they were in their potential match. Regardless, Cheryl said ‘Leave’. Jon said ‘Stay’. Then, things got wild.

Turns out, ol’ mate Jon apparently said he’d been matched with the wrong person from the get-go. In tears, Cheryl said “it’s a dog move, and I’m so betrayed by you,” before the bloke explained how he struck it up with a member of another couple.

That’d be fucking Scarlett. Scarlett! How’s that for some bald-faced reality TV brutality? 

 

Why he’d choose to bunker down with Cheryl after openly expressing all of that garbage is essentially unknowable. Perhaps it’s just another facet of that “entrepreneurial” drive, and he was planning a hostile takeover of the relationship. After Cheryl rightfully noped out of the sitch, he did too. Just as well, really.

What a goddamn show. It’s a social experiment, in the same way the Vaults in the Fallout series are: throwing humans together for the purpose of scientifically useless data, sprinkling on some radiation, and then fighting with the mutated results in the future. 

Tune in next time, hey?

Source and photo: Married At First Sight / Channel Nine.